Tweet tweet: Today’s top sports chatter

Give people a forum to speak their mind in 140 characters or less and you have provocative, diverse and controversial thoughts on the Internet. Give a sports celebrity the same forum, and you have this.

From former NFL star Thurman Thomas (@thurmanthomas): When was the last time [Tom] Brady did anything…, don’t get me wrong I like Tom…

Right. And Chad Ochocinco speaks fluent Spanish.

From West Virginia’s Scooter Berry (@ScootBerry): Ya boy apartment smellin like home right now..big fried chicken on deck..buttered rolls and lasagna

Thankfully, Scooter doesn’t tweet about what his apartment smells like after eating that.

From NASCAR driver Scott Speed (@scottspeed): I am officially posting a classified ad on twitter! If u are in Charlotte and are a physio who does sports massage and stretching! Reply 😉

Twitter: a new-found heaven for Craiglist "masseuses" looking for work.

From Baltimore Ravens’ Fabian Washington (@FabeWash35): I think I’m gone get my daughter an iPad. It has a lot of educational games

Yes, a child’s access to the Internet can be extremely educational.

From Florida Gators’ Ahmad Black (@AhmadBlack35) before leaving for Tennessee: Dear Knoxville, Here comes the gators…take ALL safety precautions!!!

It’s a delight to see that Urban Meyer’s speeches on accountability and respect have impacted his players in a profound way, isn’t it?

From USC’s Brice Butler (@USCNumber19): So I just walked in my hotel room. Phone rings… Front desk sayin there’s complaints about moanin in my room!!!

Crisis averted. The "moaning" was determined to be gag-reflex noises coming from USC season ticket-holders in the adjacent rooms.

From Atlanta Falcons’ Brent Grimes (@BGrimes20): Jus woke up from my jus about daily power nap… Man I was thinking about that nap ever since I woke up this morning lol

Fun fact that might be relevant to Falcons’ players focusing on naps all day: The Falcons’ franchise record since 1966 is a rocking 283-400.

From Arizona Cardinals’ Darnell Dockett (@ddockett): I got fined $5,000 for tweeting inside 90 minutes of kickoff. And the reporters/media are just now knowing they late as hell LOL!

For the record, it wasn’t us who busted you. But we sense a challenge here from Mr. Dockett.

From San Diego Padres’ Heath Bell (@HeathBell21): We are [on]a bus that will not move. If we’d play better maybe we would get a bus that works

Major League IV, coming soon to a theater near you.

From golfer John Daly (@PGA_JohnDaly) on the Colts-Giants game: I’m thinking Mannings got this game tonight–still mourning the Cowboy loss but celebrating my Hogs win!

Since Eli Manning and Peyton Manning are both starting quarterbacks for their respective teams, that’s a brilliant observation.

From Buffalo Bills’ Aaron Maybin (@AaronMaybin58): Kid just came by the house knockin on the door sellin candy 4 school…what’s a fat boy way 2 make a kids day?…I bought it all, lol

Our Magic 8 ball foresees a busload of Girl Scouts stopping by your house for a visit during cookie-selling week.

From Denver Nuggets’ Carmelo Anthony (@carmeloanthony) to … Carmelo Anthony: Don’t know you obviously but it appears that despite some bumps you always work to be a better man. Character matters.

How does one not know one’s self when one is replying to one’s self?

From Philadelphia Eagles’ Jeff Owens (@Jeff Owens95): Now that I got cable I can watch Nancy Grace again!!!!

Turn in your man card. Now.

From Pittsburgh Steelers’ Ryan Clark (@RyanClark25): Very excited about this game. Think we’ll have the best 10 on the field.

That tweet was the kiss of death for the Steelers’ No. 10 Dennis Dixon. Second-string quarterback Charlie Batch is thanking the Gods that next week’s opponent, the Tampa Bay Bucs, doesn’t list a No. 16 on the roster.

From Seattle Seahawks’ Golden Tate (@ShowTimeTate): ahhh i think imma watch me some Planet earth tonight!! what a great night and im tired of seeing all these country nebraska fans!

Tate is from Tennessee and he’s ripping Nebraska for being "country"?

From Arizona Cardinals’ Darnell Dockett (@DDockett), a three-part tweet:

I’m in the hotel HUNGRY as Precious!! OMG!! Room service won’t deliver and we got curfew so I can’t leave. this is terrible.

Then on top of the the damn mini bar has nothing in it but gum! WTF! I’m bout to call 911 and tell them I’m starving man down code 90!

This is not right to be this hungry, my stomach touching my back bone right now!! My body starting to look like Whitney Houston on drugs!

We didn’t think it was possible, but Precious and Whitney Houston were mentioned in the same rant.

From golfer John Daly (PGA_JohnDaly) to fellow golfers Bubba Watson and Paul Azinger, after his favorite team (Arkansas) beat Georgia: smoked me a few Marlboro Mediums on that one!

What’s Daly going to smoke if Arkansas beats Alabama next week?

From Cincinnati Bengals’ Chad Ochocinco (@OGOChoCinco): Headed to pick up Housh from the hotel and catch up on life, looking to fight Ray Lewis while im in the lobby, fluster him early

Ray Lewis was probably shaking in his boots.

From Cleveland Cavaliers’ Mo Williams: (@MoGotti2): My problem with the Vikings is Brad Childress get so damn caught up in Brett far and forget he got all day in the backfield

"Far": yet another way to spell Brett Favre’s name.

From New Orleans Saints’ Reggie Bush (@reggie_bush): Just ate In N Out for the second day straight with my teammates. I know I’m fat! Lol! Now at movies about to watch The Town

If you live in New Orleans and eat at In N Out for two days straight, doesn’t that qualify as being on a diet?