Sen. McCain to retrieve Super Bowl ring?

Dearest Russia,

 

We weren’t going to say anything, because it just seemed so

silly to bring it all up again. It’s just that, Russia, we believe

you have

href="http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/new-england-patriots-owner-robert-kraft-russia-president-vladimir-putin-stole-super-bowl-ring-061513"

target="_blank">one of our most precious football-related pieces

of jewelry, and we would like to have it back. To underscore

how serious we are in this request, we turn to one of our finest

men, Senator John McCain:

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Look, we’re not trying to make a big deal out of this, but

Patriots owner Robert Kraft would really just like his ring back.

He’s a busy man and he would come get it himself, but we figured

why should he take time out of his schedule to get his Super Bowl

ring back when we figured we’d be seeing you anyway?

We know you’ve said that the ring was actually

href="http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/vladimir-putin-denies-robert-kraft-story-about-patriots-super-bowl-ring-061613"

target="_blank">a gift given to President Vladimir Putin by Mr.

Kraft himself, and we also acknowledge that your country has

offered to give a

href="http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/russian-president-vladimir-putin-gift-patriots-owner-robert-kraft-super-bowl-ring-flap-062113">sympathy

present to the Pats owner, too, but fair is fair, right?

So if we could just have the ring, now, we’ll be on our way.

Sincerely,

America