An open letter to every NFL team considering RG3 as their future quarterback

(Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images)

Mike Stobe/Getty Images

You know what was good in 2012? Everybody doing "Call Me Maybe" sing-alongs. The San Francisco 49ers. Photobombing. "Homeland". The salad dressing I found last night in my pantry. Tiger Woods. (He won three tournaments!)

But it’s now 2016 and no one is clamoring for, or likes, any of those things. You know why? Because being good four years ago has exactly no bearing on how good you are today.

Robert Griffin III was good in 2012, so why would you want him?

(Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

The end.

Or that should be the end, anyway. It won’t be. Teams in desperate need of a quarterback in a market that pays a guy with three good games $18 million per year certainly will try to find a way to burn money on a guy who had eight good games a few years ago. (I mean, by the Brock Osweiler measure, RG3 should be getting Zuckerberg money solely on the measure of his first two drives against the Seahawks in the 2013 wild-card game. I could probably score $1.3 million based on my last Madden season alone.)

One of you will be stupid, though. One of you will think you can change him. One of you will believe that his talent and ego give him juuuuuust the amount of swag needed to come back from a season in which he was determined to be inferior to Colt McCoy, a quarterback who has, at various times in his career, been behind Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Brandon Weeden and Thad Lewis on a depth chart. You want him on that wall, you need him on that wall. 

(Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images) 

That’s what you’ll tell yourself anyway. In truth, you do not. You do not need Robert Griffin III on your team as a starter, backup or anything else. Oh, he’ll go somewhere and compete for a job and, given the infirmary unit that is the NFL, almost certainly will start a game or two this year. He might even win some. It might even get just seductive enough where you’ll look down at your scrap heap of a QB depth chart and wonder why you didn’t get RG3. He was in your grasp. You knew he had something left, dammit. And you let him slip through your fingers. 

Do not be fooled. The system in which Robert Griffin III thrived is a system the NFL has long since figured out. He might as well be running the single-wing. And do quarterbacks who have been ice cold for three years ever just flip the switch and turn into their better, younger selves, especially after having more procedures done to their body than Donatella Versace? 

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Look, we all know someone is going to pick him up and bully for them. But you shouldn’t be fooled. Just because RG3 is going to have a roster spot in the NFL doesn’t mean it needs to be on yours.

Resist the temptation. Let him be someone else’s headache.

(AP Photo/Mark Tenally, File)

I love you.

— Chris