NFL bans sale of customized Harambe jerseys

Harambe did not die so that the NFL could stop his name from being printed on customized jerseys.

Almost as soon as Harambe the 17-year-old gorilla from the Cincinnati Zoo breathed his final breaths on May 18, 2016, his legions of supporters began logging onto the NFL’s official online shop to order custom jerseys with his name on the back. Of course, most elected to go with number 69. One bold Harambe enthusiast even went so far as to storm the Fenway Park field clad in his tribute jersey to our sweet prince.

Weighing in at almost 450 pounds, the Internet’s favorite Western lowland gorilla would have made one hell of a left tackle.

Now, according to Darren Rovell, the NFL, a noted hater of all things fun, has put the kibosh on all of those customized Harambe jerseys.

In case you were thinking this impossible travesty could not be true, the New Orleans Saints confirmed the report.

It should come as no surprise that the NFL would nix the Harambe jerseys. This is, after all, a league that had to take a few days to decide whether or not it would fine a handful of players who wore special cleats to honor the 15th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

There has also been rampant speculation that Roger Goodell was behind the killing of Harambe. The embattled NFL commissioner has not commented on his involvement in the gorilla’s death because he was too busy measuring the length of socks on his players and making sure that none of them engaged in the heinous act of twerking after scoring a touchdown.

If you are still seeking a number-69 Harambe jersey, Major League Baseball and the National Hockey League will still allow you to have his  name printed on the back of a jersey.

Good on you, MLB and NHL. Good on you.

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