Column: Think you know the Super Bowl? Take the quiz
PHOENIX (AP) By now, even the most casual fan has learned that Marshawn Lynch is interesting only because he refuses to say anything.
Richard Sherman? He talks all the time and provides far more insight to the Super Bowl than Tom Brady, who figures to spend the game trying his best to avoid throwing to him.
But do you really know everything you need to know about this Super Bowl? Here’s a pop quiz to keep next to the chips and dip on game day:
Why does Bill Belichick wear a hoodie?
A–He’s trying to establish some street cred.
B–Makes him feel like he’s in Beast Mode.
C–Much of the $500,000 fine for Spygate came from his clothing fund.
Why are the Vegas bookies always so spot on with the point spread of the game?
A–The NFL tells them in advance what the score will be.
B–They have inside information on the PSI of the game balls.
C–Marshawn Lynch calls often to talk.
Why is Katy Perry the halftime act?
A–She appeals to the NFL’s leering middle-aged male demographic.
B–The Rolling Stones aren’t allowed out past 5 p.m.
C–Roger Goodell’s first choice, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, is booked on Sundays.
Goodell makes $44 million a year, though it’s uncertain most of the time what he really does. What are his responsibilities for the biggest NFL game of the year?
A–Pushing the button that closes the roof at the University of Phoenix stadium.
B–Turning off the power if it looks like the game is getting out of hand.
C–Making sure TMZ has its credential for the game.
What will be the best proposition bet on the game?
A–Idina Menzel will flub lines while singing the national anthem.
B–The ball boy for the Patriots will get more airtime than New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie at a Cowboys game.
C–Brady’s wife, model Gisele Bundchen, will tweet out blame for everyone but hubby for the underinflated footballs.
Why are people so interested in Brady’s wife?
A–They want to know if she dresses him for media interviews.
B–They’re trying to figure out which member of the power couple has the better hair.
C–Because after looking at sweaty football players since September, why not?
What will be NBC’s defining moment Sunday?
A–Cris Collinsworth will throw his headphones down and storm out of the booth in disgust after a receiver runs a bad route.
B–Al Michaels will admit that he really doesn’t believe in miracles.
C–Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski will trade outfits before filing reports from inside the team locker rooms.
Who is in charge of inflating footballs?
A–Belichick, who does it orally, hence the perpetually pained look on his face.
B–Goodell, because at $44 million a year he has to have something to do.
C–Some locker room guy so if there’s any problem the NFL can throw him under the bus.
Which commercial will people be talking about at the office Monday morning?
A–The one with cute dogs, strong horses and beer that will make you want to cry.
B–The one with strong dogs, cute horses and beer that will make you want to cry some more.
C–Any involving Victoria Secret models.
What will Marshawn Lynch have to say after the big game?
A–I just played because I didn’t want to get fined.
B-What part of Beast Mode don’t you understand?
C-You mad, Bro?
What will Tom Brady say if he loses his third straight Super Bowl?
A–It’s not that big of a deal. This isn’t ISIS, after all.
B–OK, so I’m now officially a three-time loser. But Gisele is waiting for me outside the locker room, so who really is the loser here?
C–We would have won easily, but there was something wrong with the balls.
Tim Dahlberg is a national sports columnist for The Associated Press. Write to him at tdahlberg(at)ap.org or http://twitter.com/timdahlberg