A Robot’s View: Some perspective!

“It could be worse”

Isn’t that what lifelong optimists say? No matter the situation, they always manage to find a bright side.

“It could be worse, your wife could have left you for me, then you would have lost your wife and your best friend.”

Of course, we know your buddy is just trying to make light of a terrible situation, but the only thing on your mind now is how bad your best friend wants to hook up with your soon to be ex-wife. NOT HELPING! Of course things can always be worse — we live in America — but sometimes our minds can’t wrap our heads around it.

You just rear-ended a girl driving a ‘07 Accord and totaled her car, your insurance expired last week and you’re gonna miss a huge meeting at work.

“It could be worse, man, she could have been driving a Bentley.”

OF COURSE IT COULD BE WORSE! But there’s a time and a place for everything. So, while you’re standing on the side of the highway getting berated by a 20-something nurse from Virginia — who just moved with every cent she had because “she needed to get away” from her family and the more she talks, the more that Southern twang rings in your head like you’re talking to the female version of Dan Reeves — there’s nothing you can do about it because SHE’s RIGHT.

So right now may not be a good time to play the “things could be worse” angle. Sometimes you need a minute to digest the fact that you got to the McDonald’s drive-thru at 10:33 a.m. and you’re not getting a McMuffin with sausage, egg and cheese. It’s not the end of the world and certainly things could be worse, but at that moment it’s unfathomable.

As sports fans we are die hard about our teams and the players we devote energy into rooting for. So when you dropped a Ben Franklin on that Ryan Leaf jersey, it hurt. When the Bills made yet another Super Bowl, this time XXVII, and turned it over eight times, you thought, “it could be worse.” Then they turned it over a ninth time to prove you right.

Remember when you said it was fine for your buddy’s wife to come watch the game and all she did was talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for four straight hours? That may have felt like it couldn’t possibly have been worse, because it can’t be! With sports, there is one team … OUR team! There is one coach … OUR coach! And there is one player … and that is whoever on our team we are talking about at that moment. We wait every year for football season. We see a clean slate, promising free agents and draft picks and think: This is our year! So, when it’s Week 13 and we realize it isn’t our year, we don’t think “it could be worse,” we think, “it couldn’t be worse!” BUT, it actually can.

Here is a list of actual people in the world that have it worse than you.

1. You could be the guy that drafted MJD in the first round of your fantasy draft.

2. You could be Charlie Weis coaching your way to a 1-11 season, going to bed every night wondering why you ever left the NFL.

3. You could be a Jaguars fan. There’s a month left to the season and you’re already wondering, “Why didn’t Henne start all year? Is Blaine Gabbert the QB of the future? Why didn’t we draft Andy Dalton?”

4. You could be a Chargers fan AND be Norv Turner’s brother-in-law. Talk about awkward family parties:

“Can you pass the rolls?”

“Yeah, I most definitely can, can you do better than second place?”

5. You could be a Red Wings fan as well as a Lions fan.

6. You could be Cooper Manning. “Who’s Cooper Manning?” EXACTLY!

7. You could have been the guy who lost the senior class president election to Gregg Williams, always having to wonder if you lost fair and square.

8. You could be the guy who went out on draft day and got that JaMarcus Russell tattoo.

9. You could be Rex Ryan’s tongue. You may be wondering why that would be worse? Google “foot fetish” and get back to me.

10. You could be Byron Hout, better known as “The Guy LeGarrette Blount punched.”

And if none of these people have cheered you up and made you realize that “it could be worse,” think about this: You could be Ryan Leaf.