A robot’s view: Reasons to keep watching
Let’s face it, I’d rather watch “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” before I watch the Jets. I’d rather watch the Phoenix Mercury than watch the Arizona Cardinals. I’d rather watch YouTube highlights of Tonya Harding before I watch the Chiefs play another snap.
There are plenty of other things on TV that are better than some of the cellar-dwellers. Heck, some of the teams on the edge might get beat out by Honey Boo Boo, Piers Morgan or The Voice. But no matter who you root for or against, no matter where you team is in the standings, there’s always a reason to watch, especially this late in the season.
Atlanta —If the receiving duo of Julio Jones and Roddy White isn’t enough, it’s always fun to see if Matty Ice will give us another late-season fold.
Houston — Are you kidding? The most exciting man in football is Wade Phillips! Nothing is more exciting than watching Uncle Wade “not” go nuts on the sideline.
Denver — Two words: Tim Tebow! Oh wait, Tebow time is over. Who’s that new guy?
New England — It’s fun to see if they will actually run the ball, or keep Tom Brady in the game even with a 40-point lead. What’s more, it’s fun to see seven colonial militia shoot muskets all night.
San Francisco — Are you kidding? The chance to see if Jim Harbaugh lays out another coach? Well worth it.
Green Bay — Die-hard “Cheese Heads” shirtless in 20 degree weather? Makes that tramp stamp you got on spring break feel like a good decision. (I’m talkin’ to you, fellas)
Baltimore —Where else can you see an elite quarterback show his stuff? Or a 30-something defensive unit that are all one play from retirement?
Indianapolis — Boring coach, boring team, boring city … I don’t know, Andrew Luck?
New York/New Jersey (Giants) — Eli Manning pouting after every missed catch sounds pretty worth it to me.
Chicago — Smokin’ Jay Cutler getting dropped every other offensive snap and the seven fans that have heart attacks from the 17 “Cheecago Dawgs” they ate at halftime.
Seattle — Did you see the Arizona game?
Pittsburgh — Only the most electrifying player in the NFL, Charlie “Freakin” Batch! That and Troy Polamalu’s hair … it’s sooooooo soft!
Cincinnati, Minnesota, Washington —A.J. Green, AP, RG3 … that’s enough to watch any of these teams.
Dallas — Ahhhhh, world’s largest TV? 60-yards long! That’s as far as Kyle Boller can throw from one knee.
Tampa Bay — Most talented cheerleaders in the NFL. By talented, I mean great choreography.
St. Louis — Come on, who doesn’t want to see if they can tie another game up? Am I wrong?
New York/New Jersey (Jets) — Whatever reason I could find, I’m sure Joe Namath would shoot it down on Twitter. We get it, you used to be good!!!
San Diego — The chance they will wear baby blue.
Cleveland — Bitter fans always have the best signs. “We don’t need LeBron, we have Weeden.” Ouch, even reading that stings.
Miami — Maybe a Dan Marino highlight will be shown.
Buffalo — Great excuse to make WINGS!
New Orleans — There’s still a .01 percent chance that Brett Favre comes back and Jonathan Vilma hurts him.
Philadelphia — Because Nick Foles running at full speed still looks like slow motion, so when you watch in slow motion it just looks like he’s walking. Cool party trick.
Detroit — My brother from another cyborg, MEGA-TRON
Carolina — The chance that Cam Newton will come to play.
Arizona — It’s fun to see what a team of guys that say they haven’t given up look like when they supposedly haven’t given up, right Larry Sr.?
Tennessee, Oakland, Jacksonville, Kansas City — Come on you guys, you didn’t think there was actually anything worth watching here did you?
Gotta go, “Weird Science” is on cable.