The Saints, Panthers, Buccaneers, and Falcons rank 19th, 25th, 29th, and 31st respectively in total defense. All four units get more bombed than Charlie Sheen on the Sunset Strip.
Steve Flynn-USA TODAY SportsSteven Flynn
Road games make you curl into fetal position
NFC South teams are a combined 4-14-1 in away games so far this season. There hasn’t been this much road angst generated by one group since Guns N’ Roses last went on tour.
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY SportsKirby Lee
When the second half comes up, your eyes go shut
NFC South fans have experienced a lifetime’s worth of second-half suffering this season. From Atlanta’s 21-point London letdown to the Saints’ Fail Mary against San Francisco, heartburn is at an all-time high within the division.
Chuck Cook-USA TODAY SportsChuck Cook
You suffer from Charlie Brown syndrome
Building momentum in the NFC South has been a lot like watching Charlie Brown try to kick a football. The moment one team seems to be finding their rhythm, it all gets pulled right out from under them.
Ken Blaze-USA TODAY SportsKen Blaze
Your quarterback just ain’t what he used to be
Just last season, the NFC South was the Rolls-Royce of quarterback play…now it’s looking more like your grandfather’s 1987 Buick LaSabre. Cam Newton, Matt Ryan, and Drew Brees are all mired in down seasons, while Tampa Bay is already scouting out Jameis Winson and Marcus Mariota for next year.
Andrew Weber-USA TODAY SportsAndrew Weber
You’ve started a novella using your team’s injury report
Teams in the NFC South could join forces to launch an expansion franchise with their walking wounded. It’s gotten to the point where journeymen such as Chris Ogbonnaya and Tom Crabtree are making locker room cameos.
Evan Habeeb-USA TODAY SportsEvan Habeeb
You dread checking Instagram
Social media has not been kind to NFC South rookies this season. Ra’Shede Hagemann decided that Instagram would be the perfect tool for finding marijuana on behalf of a friend. Meanwhile, Austin Seferian-Jenkins recently chose to use the same medium for further celebrating an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that cost his team a shot at winning.
Your coach is terminally on the hot seat
Ok, so Sean Payton is a visor-wearing angel who can do no wrong…but even he has been put under the microscope this season, along with the two Smiths and Riverboat Ron. It would come as no surprise to see the NFC South have at least one coaching vacancy next year.
Jason Getz-USA TODAY SportsJason Getz
Eight is your favorite number
With no team currently playing above .500, it appears as though eight victories will be more than enough to secure a division championship this season. The good news is that every team technically is still in the hunt. Unfortunately, the mere thought of postseason football launches most NFC South masochists into a Jim Mora-esque tirade at this point.