Thank you all for coming here today. I only wish it could've been under better circumstances.
But dunk-murder is a real, vicious thing, and it continues to take the basketball lives of the NBA's greatest and scrubbiest players alike.
In nearly three decades of basketball-watching experience, I've witnessed countless lives perish senselessly under the crushing weight of monster, heavy-onion dunkage, and it pains me to stand before you today as we celebrate the lives of those souls lost to dunk-death over the course of 2016-17 NBA season.
The following are the victims of the year's nastiest poster dunks, their basketball headstones and photos taken moments before their demise.
Sadly, some of these victims were dunk-killed more than once over the course of the season—players who were dunk-killed and resurrected only to be slain via mamma-jamma yet again.
Take a moment, turn on some classical music, and join me in remembering these brave souls who tried to defend the rim and failed.