The NBA season is almost here, and I hope this hand-picked collection of spine-tinglingly goofy rookie photos and portraits helps hold you over until its return. We all had our awkward years. Fortunately for most of us, those years aren't catalogued in the Associated Press' online database. God bless.
A Midsummer Night's Blown Lead
Shall I compare thee to a summer's game? A very hot one that Draymond Green didn't play in because he kicked someone's balls?
"That ain't real hip hop."
A rookie Raymond Felton breathes new life into Michael Jordan's old suits.
I Got My Degree Online on My Schedule
Rookie Russell Westbrook could've printed money in the stock photography sector.
Andrew Bogut: verified Slytherin
A pre-draft Andrew Bogut channels his inner Jack White and/or Crabbe and Goyle.
Number one librarian
Deadly post moves and a firm grasp of the Dewey Decimal System.
Sales rep Sean
For whatever reason, rookie Sean May's draft portrait was shot outside a storage unit.
I'll Watch Your Cats
If you could shake up Chris Andersen's skin like an epidermal Etch-a-Sketch, he would return to his rookie, pre-21-Savage form.
Blake Griffin confessional
You didn't mean to hit him that hard.
Buy some popcorn?
It's so our troop can go to Saginaw.
Michael Beasley is "Teach"
Educator by day. Slinging mid for the low by night. Michael Beasley is Teach. Week nights on the WB.
The Great Wall of Khaki
Was built to keep out the Mongols, marauders and lesser regional sales reps.
Rookie Carlos Boozer practicing bow and arrow
An alarmingly essential image of Cleveland Cavaliers rookie Carlos Boozer practicing bow and arrow.
Just a pondering how he got all that money.
Copping a feel
This isn't a rookie picture of Tim Duncan but I feel it's important you know this picture of a Hall of Famer in mid-butt-slap exists.
White linen pants, key lime dress shirt. Argyle sweater vest that doesn't stop. Yeah, Michael Conley goin' Largo.
You eat the cheese?
Yeah, rookie Melo ate the cheese.
Rookie Chris Bosh knew where they keep the collection plates.
"Do you have a moment to talk about faith?"
Rookie Kevin Love would appreciate if everyone takes the sacrament but understands some will not.
One Hoop to Rule Them All
Taking up Michael Jordan's mantle, Dirk Nowitzki's rookie hoop earring was tasked with bringing together the rest of the league's hoop earrings, and in the darkness, binding them.
A monument to the possiblities of awkwardness on the draft dais.
'Hanging With Mr. Rudy'
Hip, no-nonsense and here to tickle your funny bone. Rolling Stone calls Rudy Gay's rookie portrait "like LinkedIn meets Hang Time."
Little Jason with the Big Coat
When you dress up your Kidd and bring him to work.
Ninety-percent Cliff Paul by volume.
Tim Duncan's actual Rookie of the Year picture
He wore an outfit you'd feel gross wearing on a CVS run. God bless Tim Duncan.
Pau: Turtleneck Nemesis
The zip-up turtleneck no four should go without.
This is a picture of rookie Carmelo Anthony looking like the unholy union of Lil Yachty and a jar of lip sweat.
Frosting, Dirk and Nash
Perhaps the most important rookie photograph ever taken.
Skip to My Love
Rookie Kevin Love was deemed "too large and pallid" for front row dance-work on the critically-acclaimed stage musical Newsies.