They're the ones who signed Kevin Durant and turned this postseason into the Red Wedding on hardwood, subsequently leading me to Photoshop male rompers onto NBA superstars in an attempt to feel some shred of joy as the NBA season comes to a chalky, unsurprising end.
So now we have NBA team-colorway rompers—a basketball-ized version of the one-piece men's leisurewear that became popular back in May.
I can't make this series competitive, but I can cloak Isaiah Thomas' tiny frame in full-body man-jamas.
Isaiah Thomas, Boston Celtics
Unstoppable player in the pick and romp offense.
Chris Paul, Los Angeles Clippers
More like Romp City.
Kawhi Leonard, San Antonio Spurs
"Belts are a product of human error." -- Kawhi Leonard
Damian Lillard, Portland Trail Blazers
"It frees me up to not play defense." -- Damian Lillard.
DeMar DeRozan, Toronto Raptors
Wears it because Kyle Lowry said to.
Dennis Schroder, Atlanta Hawks
Thinks this is what will finally take ATL past Cleveland in the East.
Giannis Antetokounmpo, Milwaukee Bucks
"Like the potato sack for your body."
Gordon Hayward, Utah Jazz
John Wall, Washington Wizards
Wall has at least four rompers already in his closet.
Lance Stephenson, Indiana Pacers
Already likes it better than the "Hickory" unis.
LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Told the media Cleveland would wait to wear them until they really needed them.
Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City Thunder
Has been waiting for us to catch up on this craze for years.
Stephen Curry, Golden State Warriors
Caused this all to happen in the first place.
James Harden, Houston Rockets
Considers himself far more efficient at filling out single-piece party wear than Russell Westbrook.
Vince Carter, Memphis Grizzlies
Only put it on after being convinced it was a Carhartt coverall.