Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey has revealed in a new autobiography that he was sexually abused as a child and contemplated suicide in 2005.
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In an excerpt published by Sports Illustrated, the Mets knuckleballer says he was eight years old when a 13-year-old female babysitter began sexually abusing him. Dickey says in the book, "Wherever I Wind Up," he didn’t reveal the abuse to anyone until telling his wife when he was 31, eight years after they married.
"The babysitter chucks the pillows and stuffed animals out of the way," Dickey wrote.
"She looks at me and says, Get in the bed. I am confused and afraid. I am trembling. The babysitter has her way with me four or five more times that summer, and into the fall, and each time feels more wicked than the time before."
Dickey spoke with reporters Tuesday at the Mets’ spring training complex and said he thought it was important to tell his story in order to help others.
"A lot of times sexual abuse can be, it’s almost like the bullying stuff," Dickey said. "Unless you talk about it and unless it gets out there, unless you know there are people that care about you regardless of what’s happened to you, unless you know that, it’s hard to get to a place where you get comfortable not only talking about that, but talking about what it’s made you into."
In the book, Dickey also says he contemplated suicide in 2005, following an extramarital affair. He says only 10 to 12 people knew he was sexually abused.
"Part of being sexually abused is you feel like you’re damaged," Dickey said Tuesday. "You feel like if people knew the truth you would be looked at in a certain light or you would be broken and fractured, so you don’t risk it, and that’s one of the things I wish I would have done better.
"But I just didn’t possess the equipment or the vocabulary to do that well with [his wife] and it cost me. It was tough on our marriage for a long time, so when I told her, and she loved me despite the ugliest parts of my life, it really did a lot for our relationship."
The right-handed knuckleballer also revealed he once saw a syringe in the Texas Rangers clubhouse.
"The mere sight of it makes me feel as though I am looking straight at Evil — like seeing a weapon somebody left behind at a crime scene," he wrote of the incident.
The 37-year-old Dickey made four appearances with Texas that season but spent the bulk of the year in Triple-A.
The book, written with author Wayne Coffey, is set to be released Thursday.