Shaking up Rams’ coaching duties with Larry David and friends
ST. LOUIS — The St. Louis Rams need an offensive coordinator. Any ideas who could fill the spot?
Enter Larry David, the creator of hit shows Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, who could be a prettay, prettay, prettay interesting fit in the Gateway City if given a shot.
David made sports headlines Wednesday after a conversation he had on The Howard Stern Show (really). The New York Jets were brought up, which eventually prompted David to explain why he thinks he could slide right into an NFL coaching position.
"With a little studying, I think I could be a tremendous offensive coordinator, and defensive coordinator." David told Stern. When asked why he would be able to make the jump from television writer to football coach, he said that when he was little playing football with his friends in a parking lot, he used to draw up some "very good plays."
The folks at NFL.com caught wind of the interview and posted the sound bite to its website. The clip was then sent out on Twitter, and the Rams took notice.
— St. Louis Rams (@STLouisRams) January 7, 2015
It’s a tough call for St. Louis GM Les Snead. Search around the league for a veteran coach or go with some guaranteed "pretty good plays"? Advantage, LD.
But he probably should bring some of his friends along if he wants to compete for the Lombardi Trophy, don’t you think?
Good luck, Jeff Fisher. (Note: Stop reading if you have never seen Curb or Seinfeld.)
Offensive Coordinator: Larry David. The best part about an offense led by LD? Very little punting, if any. Why? Because it’s Larry David. "Teams don’t go for it enough," he told Stern. Sorry, Johnny Hekker.
Special Assistant to the General Manager: George Costanza. Front-office experience and an expert ability to lie.
Co-Offensive Line Coaches: Jeff and Susie Greene. Jeff handles the technique, Susie brings the energy.
Special Teams Coordinator: Cosmo Kramer. A guy who thinks outside the box.
Quarterbacks Coach: Elaine Benes. Thinks Sam Bradford is cute.
Tight Ends Coach: Leon Black.
Defensive Coordinator: Poppy. You want your defense to be a little dirty.
Team Doctor: Dr. Tim Whatley. The "Dentist to the Stars" can handle anything. Just don’t knock on his door.
Nutritionist: Kenny Bania. Because he knows that soup is not enough of a meal for a football player.
Strength Coach: Izzy Mandelbaum. Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!
Running Backs Coach: Duncan Meyer. The only guy faster than him is Jerry.
Assistant Offensive Coordinator: Bob Cobb. Can’t hurt to have a maestro help conduct the offense.
Quality Control: The Soup Nazi.
Head of Team Security: Lieutenant Bookman.
Tough to find a place for Newman when it never rains in a dome.
Granted, none of this is real.