Week 4 was blood, fire and disappointment, so it was much better week of college football than Week 3. Streaks were broken, the Heisman picture firmed significantly and there's an absolute mess brewing in the Big Ten. That said, not all wins were really a victory, and not all losses were final. Let's get honest about this week's AP Top 25.
Georgia (3-1), re-rank: 27
Survived three weeks of play before finally Georgia-ing.
Boise State (3-0), re-rank: 25
Makes its annual appearance in the AP Top 25 this week after a win over Oregon State. Will hang around this position until being stampeded by a dumb but irresistible Colorado State team in Week 7.
Getty ImagesLoren Orr
Florida (3-1), re-rank: 26
AIN’T NO TELEPHONE BILLS IN ROCKY TOP, TENNESSEE.
Texas (3-1), re-rank: 26
Had a bye, which was used by Charlie Strong to melt and re-forge his forearms in the crucible of his training lodge atop Baldy Peak.
TCU (3-1), re-rank: 22
Makes its triumphant return to the AP Top 25 by grave-robbing the bones of a once-great empire (33-3 over SMU).
Arkansas (3-1), re-rank: Brisket
Was caramelized, pot-roasted and pulled into tender ribbons by Kevin Sumlin’s lusty horde of berserkers, who Panko-crusted the Razorbacks for an average of 10 yards per play.
San Diego State (3-0), re-rank: 20
Had a bye in Week 4. Is this the school from that scene in The Social Network where Justin Timberlake does all the cocaine? I don’t know. Seems right.
Utah (4-0), re-rank: 19
Barely squeaked out a home win against a USC team that’s as puffy and ungainly as O.J. Simpson’s prison-cantaloupe head.
Michigan State (2-1), re-rank: 18
Not only had its own pants force-fed to them by the Badgers, but played an integral part in ratcheting the national “‘SCONNY!” cry to full volume. I will never forgive you.
Ole Miss (2-2), re-rank: 15
Georgia-Plus won out over Georgia-Regular in this week’s battle of SEC Disappointment Titans. Will almost certainly paint another nationally-televised pants-fresco against Arkansas, LSU or Auburn in the coming weeks.
Nebraska (4-0), re-rank: 14
Came into the Big Ten’s most vaunted World of Warcraft dungeon and did the thing. Looks forward to a trap game at home against Illinois next week because Illinois always wins one dumb game it shouldn’t every year.
Miami FL (3-0), re-rank: 12
Had a bye. Will tee off on Georgia Tech and the Fightin’ Drone Drivers in Week 5.
Baylor (4-0). re-rank: 4,004
Took Venti Texas Tech’s hardest shot and kept on churning. Will need to ignore at least four more on-campus atrocities before truly hitting its stride.
Florida State (3-1), re-rank: 13
Jumped up two spots in the AP Polls after hemorrhaging points against South Florida—a school whose campus essentially serves as auxiliary parking for a Yuengling factory.
Tennessee (4-0), re-rank: 5
TALKIN’ BOUT THE VOLS. Tennessee won the game of its season, beating Florida and breaking a 12-year, Chun-Li combo of rapid-fire Ls against the Gators. They will be too drunk to even flip the coin against Georgia in Week 5.
Washington (4-0), re-rank: 12
Hung on by the skin of their toed running shoes against Arizona—a team that lost to BYU in Week 1 and barely managed to beat Grambling State. You could share a Netflix account with more people than the student body of Grambling State.
Texas A&M (4-0), re-rank: 7
[Kevin Sumlin smears blood on his face and presses forward through the mounting bodies. The names and faces of those he dispatches no longer register. All before him is meat, their humanity obscured by the fog of war. Somewhere in South Carolina, a child sees darkness on the horizon.]
Wisconsin (4-0), re-rank: 6
Wisconsin spanked the Spartans, and will attempt to sunder Jim Harbaugh’s lockjaw at the Big House in Week 5. A Badgers win over Michigan would turn the Big Ten into an untenable nightmare.
Stanford (3-0), re-rank: 9
Houston (4-0), re-rank: 7
Destroyed Texas State by 281-330-8004 points.
Clemson (4-0), re-rank: 10
Four straight wins over unremarkable opponents leaves Clemson knocking on the door of a playoff berth. They continue to tread un-touched in shark infested waters.
Michigan (4-0), re-rank: 4
Made quick work of Penn State with the help of do-it-all martian-person Jabrill Peppers. Narrowly avoided losing a vaunted cornerback to an eager, potbellied kicker.
Louisville (4-0), re-rank: 2
Rolled over Marshall with the help of seven touchdowns by Lamar Jackson, who rated his performance against the Thundering Herd an “F.” Jon Gruden is already red-assed and sweating to get Lamar's thoughts on sluggo seam routes.
Ohio State, re-rank: 1
Spent its bye week digesting the McRib.
Alabama, re-rank: 3
Scored the same number of points against Kent State as it managed in Week 3 against Ole Miss. You could chain up your bike with the veins in Nick Saban’s forehead on Saturday. Dan is on Twitter. He's relishes every angry Alabama 40-point victory.