Duke fan parodies ‘Hallelujah’ to create the worst hype video ever made

I am so angry. So very, deeply angry.

I woke up today with expectations to go to work and deal with the day’s usual abundance of dumb stuff online. But this is beyond the pale. This is weaponized bad content.

But now that I’ve seen this “parody” video of a Duke fan mangling Leonard Cohen’s solemn “Shrek”rock anthem, you have to see it, too. Because that’s how this works.

I don’t even know where to begin with this thing. It is a gem, in a way. There aren’t many things out there that are truly the worst on every level from stem to stern. But “Lets Go Duke Ya”is one of those rare achievements.

Let’s start with the choice of song: Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” a track that is up there with “Tears In Heaven” and “Last Kiss” among the top five last songs you’d ever pick to get excited for a sporting event.

Put it this way: If there was a sports fan prison where the staff had to take measures to make sure no cheers or impromptu waves break out in the rec yard, they would put “Hallelujah” in the food to make doubly sure. This is literal hype poison.

Next we have the parody aspect, which is important but an aspect people tend to be forgiving about if you’re parodying something they like a lot.

You can take liberties and bend vowels here and there to make your interpretation fit the mold and pacing of the original song. What you can’t do is say “Duke ya” instead of “Hallelujah.” Those things aren’t even in the same time zone of rhyming. You need to find a new song.

Here are some parody ideas I thought of on my walk to the vending machine that would make for a better Duke hype video than “Hallelujah.”

  1. “Bad and Dukie”
  2. “Blue Devils in a New Dress”
  3. “Forgot About Duke”
  4. “The Duke Workout Plan”
  5. Quite literally almost anything.

It’s really that simple. Then again, if even one of the above things had or hadn’t happened exactly as it did along the way to this video’s creation, we wouldn’t be here today, communing in the most American sports passion of all: Universally despising Duke in the most sincere and palpable sense.

Dan is on Twitter bleeding from his eyes and gums.