The Flopscars: Awarding the biggest ‘actors’ in sports of 2016-17
Welcome and good evening, ladies and gentlemen, to the Flopscars—the only sports award show dedicated to honoring athletes for their deliberate perversion of the spirit of the game.
Flopping, of course, is an illegal and universally frowned-upon tactic in athletics. Be that as it may, diving can also be an art form on par with jazz when done correctly. No matter your feelings on flopping, you know a master faller when you see one.
In this spirit, we now honor the year’s most brazen and subtle flop artists—athletes from all different sports and flops of life whose dives have stood out from the rest in 2016-17.
Below are the awards, their winners and the title, tagline and reviews of their flop feature films. I’ve also provided biographical info for returning winners where necessary.
Without further ado, your 2016-17 Flopscar winners.
Best Flopper in a Leading Role: LeBron James
First Joakim's free throw, now LBJ…smh pic.twitter.com/vSnXHN0LXO
— Sacramento Kings (@SacramentoKings) January 26, 2017
Film: Gone With the Spin
Tagline: “Love! Intrigue! Sad!”
LeBron James wins his fourth Flopscar in four years for his performance in Gone with the Spin—a harrowing performance that saw him dive into seediest parts of Sacramento and out-flail its entire population of skilled dive artists and complainers.
“I’d like to thank the Kings for being unrepentant garbage,” James told the Academy after receiving his award. “I wouldn’t be here today without them being there and being awful every day, no matter what. I’d also like to thank Lance Stephenson, whose breath was the wind beneath my sneakers throughout this entire process.”
Flop of the Year: Dillon Brooks
Dillon Brooks with the worst flop in basketball history. What the hell is this? pic.twitter.com/NgrxfWMAFH
— Rob Dauster (@RobDauster) January 27, 2017
Film: The Flopfather
Tagline: “A flopper you can’t refuse.”
A breakout performance for Dillon Brooks, an Oregon basketball player whose brooding and bombastic performance in The Flopfather has marked him a rising star among people you just hate instinctually.
“A tour de farce.” —Los Angeles Times
“Watching this made me pee blood.” — Rotten Tomatoes
“I hate everyone involved in making this a reality.” — Richard Roeper
Smuggest Flop: Marcus Smart
Marcus strikes again pic.twitter.com/5BuCFMGbq1
— Kyle George (@kyoo) November 15, 2016
Film: The Great Dunk Robbery
Tagline: “Suck on that, Solomon.”
Another repeat Flopscar winner, Marcus Smart is being hailed as the Robert Downey Jr. of Pettiness for his thunder-stealing performance alongside Solomon Hill in The Great Dunk Robbery.
“I never thought one man’s face could make me want to commit violence,” wrote New York‘s David Edelstein. “Then Marcus Smart stuck his tongue out.”
Best Supporting Flopper: Andre Iguodala
Film: Aflopalypse Now
Tagline: “The Horror…The Horror…”
Andre Iguodala kicked off Flopscar season with a strong dive against Kawhi Leonard on the opening night of the NBA season in October, playing a masterful foil to Leonard’s steely, vacuum from The Brave Little Toaster demeanor by embarrassing himself in public at the age of 33.
“One of the most veteran bull[expletive]ers in the game,” — The Hollywood Reporter.
Flop By a Defensive Monster: Vontaze Burfict
Film: Flop Club
Tagline: “The first rule of Flop Club is ‘Make a big deal about Flop Club.’”
Vontaze Burfict’s flop after shoving down the diminutive Steve Smith Sr. during the 2016-17 NFL season became an instant classic in the annals of clown-job moves.
“Vontaze Burfict carries on the spirit of the O’Doyle clan in the worst sense of every word.” — Rolling Stone.
“A real Scum Devil.” — Lance Briggs
Flop and dirty play from Burfict is what I've come to expect from the Scum Devil!! #CinVsBal
— Lance Briggs (@LanceBriggs) November 27, 2016
Best Sideline Flop: Robert Alford
This is an all-time flop pic.twitter.com/NwESElSN9Y
— SI Extra Mustard (@SI_ExtraMustard) January 22, 2017
Film: Punk Fiction
Tagline: “From the creators of ‘True Romance’ & ‘Reservoir Flops’”
Robert Alford established himself as one of the premiere character actors in feigned sports cinema with his gripping performance as Sideline Dude Who Pushed Rodgers We Got to Look Up During the Break.
“One of the lesser known a-holes.” — Vanity Fair.
Most Delayed: Darren Collison
Film: Enter the Dragic
Tagline: “Their deadly mission: to perfect the forbidden motion of The Flop.”
Darren Collison’s delayed reaction to a Goran Dragic head butt in January went unnoticed until it debuted at Cannes to unanimous disgust.
“Now available on BlueRay and Vine.” — Amazon.com
Best Animated Short: Neymar
Neymar's hilariously bad dive summed up Barcelona's rough night in Paris. https://t.co/gsMSII3h6n
— AtTheBuzzer (@TheBuzzerOnFOX) February 15, 2017
Film: Beauty and the Leap
Tagline: “He’s pretty so it’s fine.”
Neymar’s latest dive in international competition has been hailed by flopping critics as “complete bollocks” and “an absolute mastershite.”
Most Extra: Marcus Smart
Film: Nahtting Hill
Tagline: “Can the most famous player on a team fall over just an ordinary guy?”
Marcus Smart’s second Flopscar of the year left him overcome at the award podium.
“I want to thank God, my family…my…my [sniff] my teammates,” said a tearful Smart . “I’m sorry…I just…Harden’s new shoe is trash and no one talks about it.”
Best Choreography: James Harden and the Nets
Film: Menage a Flop
A triple flop from January that’s revived the entire flash-flop genre.
“An exceptional number of idiots being idiots in unison.” — TIME
Best Hair: Hector Herrara
— FOX Soccer (@FOXSoccer) November 12, 2016
Film: Flopa America
Tagline: “Feathered and lethal.”
“We don’t know this dingus but we already despise him viscerally.” — Flopscars Selection Committee
Best Horror: Khadeem Lattin
— Wisconsin Basketball (@BadgerMBB) December 3, 2016
Film: I Know That You Flopped Last Summer
Tagline: “The flop is coming from inside the house.”
“Nigel Hayes is the only redeemable human from start to finish.” — Buzzfeed
Dan is on Twitter. Flopping: the jazz flute solo of on-field jackassery.