Questions with Comedians: John Caparulo on Cleveland sports, adult movies & more

This week’s guest on Questions with Comedians is John Caparulo.

Before we dive into the questions, take a few minutes watching Caparulo be funny (Warning: There is some bad language in the video below, so put on your earbuds if you’re at work):

1. If you could be a star in any sport what would it be? Which team/position?

Caparulo: Tom Brady.

4. What’s the hardest part about being a Cleveland sports fan?

Caparulo: I was only a Cleveland Browns fan to be honest. I just remember being told that I was a Browns fan when I was about 4 years old and that being a "fair weather fan" was like the worst thing anyone could be. It was like an arranged marriage to a really ugly girl. For a few seasons in the late ’80s, that ugly girl fixed herself up enough to make a baby. But then Dr. Byner fumbled our baby away upon delivery.

5. What’s your best Vince Vaughn story?

Caparulo: Before the show in Cleveland, the director and I spent the afternoon at my sister’s house shooting interviews with my family for the movie. That night, Vince gave all of them autographed T-shirts for HALF PRICE!!

6. Which band would you like to see play halftime of the Super Bowl?

Caparulo: My friend Josh and I were out catching gophers one morning. We had just finished feeding a big one to our pet hawk that lived off the 10th fairway when Josh’s cell phone rang. It was a call from the tattoo parlor where he did piercings. He asked if I’d like to run over there with him to pierce some guy’s tongue. I’d never do such a thing for free, but since I was on the clock, it seemed like a good idea.

Caparulo: Doesn’t porn qualify as everyone’s guilty pleasure? I mean, if somebody walks in on you while you’re watching porn, I don’t think anyone actually says, "Just hold on a minute while I finish this."

11. Who are three people in history that you’d like to have over to watch a ballgame?

Caparulo: Well, the first guy is alive and well, but I’d love to watch a game with Ron Jaworski. And then the other two would have to be Roy Scheider and Robert Shaw, simply because they’re the only guys that I can trust to get rid of Jaws if he becomes a problem.