I have some bad news for you, wrestling fans: it seems like the epic WrestleMania 33 match between The Big Show and Shaquille O'Neal isn't going to happen.
Both mammoth men blamed the other side in media appearances this week, with Show ripping into the NBA Hall of Famer for his lack of conditioning:
“Maybe he doesn’t want to put on spandex and show the entire world that Shaquille O’Neal, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, looks like Jabba the Hutt,” the wrestler said. He also questioned whether or not Shaq was “too busy riding around singing karaoke with John Cena and going to Krispy Kreme and getting fatter every week.” [...]
“He’s got to be what, 440, 450 pounds?” Big Show said in the interview with ESPN. “He's gotten pretty fat. Me on the other hand? I just weighed in this morning — 379 pounds.”
If the match is indeed canceled, it would be a big blow to the Big Show, who isn't sure how much longer he'll be a member of WWE's main rosters. He really wanted to work with Shaq in what might be his final WrestleMania appearance, but the odds of that happening are slim.
Still, with Show himself in the best shape of his wrestling career, we still want to see him on the biggest card of the year.
So here are 10 professional athletes, past and present, that would get us to fly to Orlando just to watch them live as they fight the Big Show.
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Charles Barkley, TNT broadcaster
Imagine how amazing "Inside the NBA" would be for the rest of the season if Chuck replaced Shaq at WrestleMania because the latter is "too fat" (Big Show's words, not ours). There's a decent chance Shaq would leap across the desk and try to chokeslam Barkley the next time he cracked a joke about his weight.
NBAE/Getty ImagesJoe Murphy
DeMarcus Cousins, NBA
Boogie's in the middle of an NBA season right now, of course, but he'll probably get suspended for at least one more game due to technical fouls by the time WrestleMania rolls around.
Stepping up to fill the void left by Shaq against the World's Largest Athlete would be one stellar debut for Conor.
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David Ortiz, MLB
Big Papi has enough size not to be intimidated by Show, and in this scenario, we'd let him bring his bat along for the ride.
John Scott, NHL
Remember the NHL enforcer/figher-extraordinaire who made the All-Star Game then won that exhibition's MVP? Sure you do!
Let's see just how tough the toughest hockeyman is when he has to go toe-to-toe with 379 pounds of the Big Show.
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Isaiah Thomas, NBA
Not every wrestling match has to be a battle of giants. Big Show had some fantastic matches against Rey Mysterio during their time in both WCW and WWE; pitting Thomas against the man formerly known as The Giant would be a throwback to those classic "David vs. Goliath" moments.
Plus, the 5-foot-9 Thomas is affiliated with Floyd Mayweather, who already fought Big Show once at WrestleMania. Put The Money Team in IT4's corner, and you've got yourself a celebrity-filled spectacle.
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Vince Wilfork, NFL
Wilfork is living proof you can be a mountain of a human being without being completely out of shape. (Right, Shaq?) He might be the only player in the three major North American sports with any chance of suplexing Show out of his own boots.
Rougned Odor, MLB
Big Show counts "The Knockout Punch" among his finishing moves ... and so does Odor.
Just ask Jose Bautista.
Rob Gronkowski, NFL
We know Gronk's injured and probably wouldn't be cleared to get in the ring by April, but we can dream.
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Dennis Rodman, NBA/geopolitics
He has wrestling experience, he doesn't have a whole lot on his plate, and we need to keep him as far away from North Korea as possible these days. Maybe he can even partner with Karl Malone in a handicap match to relive the WCW glory days with Show.