The Premier League kicks off the new season this weekend, and it looks to be a wide open race for the title. But what good is winning the title if you don’t look good doing it? And on the flip side, if your team gets relegated, will they at least be easy on the eyes? That’s right, it’s time for the Premier League Fashion Power Rankings. Before the first ball is kicked, we judged all 20 teams on their 2016/17 kit collection (home, away and alternates, if applicable). Here they are, from worst to first:
Hull’s kits could be decent overall, but I just can’t look past that stupidly large white collar. It’s horrible. Look at poor Mo Diame’s face. Who designed this? I want names!
The Hornets were styling in their return to the top flight last season, but this year? Both the home and away strips are woefully underwhelming, if not Championship material. (Like, the league, not winning one; this is why the Championship is a dumb name for the second tier).
This Nike template is pretty terrible to begin with, but they took the ugly to a new level for the Citizens, specifically the clashing road kits. Those travesties are making Lionel Messi’s hair look good. And if this rumored third kit is for real (I strongly advise against clicking the link), City might even deserve last place.
Palace’s home jersey is a bit odd – they’ve replaced their traditional stripes with what we call "The Ajax" – but that away strip is an utter disaster. The players look like a ball pit at McDonald’s.
Burnley are essentially a like-for-like switch for relegated Aston Villa, and the claret and blue home kits are a solid, predictable look. But they get major deductions for just switching the colors around and calling it the away kit. This isn’t the ‘90s. You don’t get away with that anymore.
Too. Many. Shapes.
Sunderland are so consistently bad, they really don’t deserve a third kit. But they made one anyway, and it’s not just one of the worst shirts in the league, but all of Europe too. That lands you near the bottom, no matter how tight your home and road kits are.
The embedded lions are a nice touch to the classic blue home kit (if you’re into Louis Vuitton), while the white alternates are clean but ordinary. That leaves the away jerseys, which unfortunately are hot trash. Is that … is that TV static?
Look up “meh” in the dictionary, and you’ll see a picture of this year’s Everton kits. Or last year’s, or pretty much any other year. And what’s up with the salmon trim? If you want to spice things up, try something else. Literally anything else.
The waist high sash will take some getting used to, that’s for sure. But the away kit is enough reason to be happy that Boro are back in the Premier League.
On account of their sleek home and away kits, Liverpool should be higher on the list. But then they had to go and make the team look like a bunch of garbage men with those heinous lime-green alternates. Woof.
The away kit is a beauty, the alternate kit is dreadful, and the home kit is … fine. It’s just fine. Add it all up and it’s a perfectly average collection for Spurs.
Oh look, another classic home kit, and another yellow away strip for what feels like the 50th straight season. They both look good though, and the alternates are sneaky sexy, which might be a first for shirts featuring yellow highlighter. Also note how Arsenal are again one spot ahead of Spurs.
Arsenal FC via Getty ImagesStuart MacFarlane
The running narrative on Stoke is that the team will consistently bore you to death. That might be true, but this year they’ll look fresh to death, too.
There’s nothing wrong with a classic, all-white home kit, paired with an eye-catching gradient blue away kit. Swansea? More like Swag-sea! (I’ll show myself out).
West Ham were a pleasant surprise last season while rocking arguably the nicest threads in England, so why mess with a good thing? Both the home and aways are beautiful once again.
Not a bad set for the Premier League champs (man, it’s still so much fun to say that), though the all-red away kit makes little sense. It all feels a little too Cardiff City if you will, but Leicester’s Thai owners could probably get away with anything at this point. And those crisp, white Champions League kits? Oh yeah, daddy like.
The Cherries are clearly settling in to life in the Premier League. The home kit is an improvement from last year’s, but it’s topped by the button-collared, horizontal striped away kit featuring two beautiful shades of blue. Even the bright neon third kit surprisingly works.
Woah, check out the Baggies! With these kits they’ll undoubtedly look sharper than they’ll play this season, but that’s all that matters here. Be right back, gotta cop one of those gorgeous aways STAT.
Not only did United get a top new manager, a world-class midfield general, an assist king and a Zlatan this summer, they also pimped out their closet with three fine kits. The Red Devils may not win the title this year, but they’ll definitely win "Best Dressed."