by GILES ELLIOTT, FOXSports.com

Updated: September 6, 2001, 2:29 PM EST

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At 26, Westerveld is still an infant in goalkeepers years, and he will have no problems finding a new club. Over the two seasons since he arrived at Anfield, the Dutch number two has seen Liverpool not only win five trophies but become the English Premier League's best defensive team, conceding seven fewer goals than Manchester United and 12 less than Arsenal. That's not just down to the influence of Sami Hyppia. The back four must play as a unit, and Liverpool will inevitably suffer as Polish international Dudek seeks to gain an understanding with the Finnish/German/English/Swiss combo in front of him.

So why the 'one strike and you're out'?

There is simply no position on the soccer field under as much scrutiny as that of the goalkeeper.

The solitary, pensive outsider wearing the gloves is the philosopher of football, a mythological figure. He inspired Wim Wenders' film "The Goalkeeper's Fear of the Penalty Kick" (As far as I can recall, "Wings of Desire" was not an ode to Ryan Giggs and David Beckham.) He inspired Karol Wojtyla to take up the beautiful game before his Papacy came calling.

Like St. Peter or Cerberus, the keeper guards the gates to his team's hopes and expectations. Not the one with the pretty face, it's the spotty kid who no-one else wants on their side who ends up between the piles of jerseys, shivering in shorts on a winter afternoon in the park.

So surely the blighted custodians deserve our forgiveness, or at least our sympathy? Well, no actually.

While Peter Schmeichel in his Man Utd heyday arguably was a vital factor in winning championships (or Mart Poom and Paul Jones saving Derby and Southampton from relegation year after year), the vast majority of EPL keepers do exactly nothing. For a lot of money.

With Westerveld still listed on the Liverpool roster, Gerard Houllier now has five keepers at his disposal. This is not a pitching rotation. Dudek will start, Kirkland will keep awake in case of an injury or red card to the Pole, Westerveld will brood, Pegguy Arphexad will be enigmatic, and Jorgen Nielsen will trawl Merseyside for a Reds fan who can actually recognize him. In 5 years at Anfield since coming in from Denmark, the 30-year-old Nielsen has made precisely zero appearances. I assume he gets paid.

Liverpool is not alone in travelling with excess baggage. This weekend's EPL program starts with a blockbuster London derby as Chelsea takes on Arsenal. If you recall the past two seasons, that match likely has the Gunners spotting the Blues a 2-goal lead, then seeing how late they can leave it before overhauling them.

In Arsenal's goal - David Seaman, under two weeks shy of his 38th birthday but showing no signs of letting up. On the Gunners' bench - Richard Wright, cost $8.4m (more than Liverpool paid for Kirkland), biding his time. Not at the stadium - Stuart Taylor, number one in the England Under-21 team. Also - Austrian international Alex Manninger, spending a year in Florence, poor lad.

On the Chelsea side - Ed de Goey, who lost his place in the Holland squad to Westerveld but has been let off the hook for a bad error that cost the Blues victory over Newcastle. On the bench - Mark Bosnich, on a reported $15 million for the 3 years of his contract but yet to play. As for Carlo Cudicini - the Italian injured his knee this summer while out walking his dog. No, really.

Man Utd will have Fabien Barthez back as they host second place Everton. (I know; it's strange to write it, too.) The Frenchman had some shopping to do last time out so Roy Carroll got a game, as number two on the Devils' list of five number ones. The Toffees meanwhile have a good keeper in Paul Gerrard but are $30 million in debt, spent $5.5 million on Steve Simonsen in the summer of 1998 without seeing any return on that investment, and have still not found a buyer for unused Norwegian international Thomas Myhre.

Sunday's games are no different. Glenn Hoddle's Tottenham Hotspur faces Southampton for the first time since the former England boss (remember "Michael Owen is not a natural goalscorer?") renounced the Saints. Spurs keeper Neil Sullivan is rightly one of the most popular choices for the FOX Sports World EPL Fantasy Challenge, but where does that leave Portland's finest, Kasey Keller, unquestionably one of the best keepers in the world? Another American, Marcus Hahnemann, twiddles his oversized thumbs as one of Fulham's three back-up goalies; the Cottagers round off this weekend with their first-ever EPL London derby, against injury-plagued Charlton.

Does Leicester really need Tim Flowers, Ian Walker and Simon Royce? All at once, maybe, but one at a time? Does Ipswich need five goalkeepers, Middlesbrough and Sunderland four?

The only club with just two shot-stoppers? That'll be Bolton, who sit proudly atop the EPL standings, having become the first team to win their opening three matches since Sheffield Wednesday in 1996. So let's hear it this weekend for Bolton starter Jussi Jaaskelainen and his deputy Steve Banks, and whenever you hear the cry of "Dodgy Keeper!", remember there are plenty more waiting in the wings.

As for Westerveld, it could be worse. Wenders' PK-phobic keeper, Josef Bloch, was driven to murder. Pope John Paul II had his photograph ripped in two by Sinead O'Connor. It's Arphexad I feel sorry for - what did Pegguy ever do to hurt anyone?

Despite his own Becks-Man-Utd phobia, Giles Elliott is certainly a keeper. Mail him with your comments at gelliott@foxsportsworld.com.