Sage Kotsenburg’s ‘totally dope’ mortgage biz can save you ‘chowsands’

Sage Kotsenburg's refi biz can save you 'chowsands.'

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He’s already won a gold medal. He’s got himself a bacon medal.  

And now Sage Kotsenburg wants to share the wealth. The 20-year-old snowboard slopestyler debuted his faux business venture on "Conan" last night — "a spoicy new opportunity that can save you chowsands of dollars."

Introducing Sage Kotsenburg’s super steezy, "Totally Dope Home Refi Mortgage." 

"Don’t get caught on your backside edge while shredding the gnarl on the fresh pow pow," the snowboarder warned. Take advantage of the "historic chill rates … dope news for homeowners who want to refinance like a boss." 

Refinance like a boss with no gnarly closing costs.

What’s more, there’s "no appraisal, no income verification, and no gnarly closing costs."

You heard him: "No. Gnarly. Closing costs." 

Of course, this whole business is as made up as this mythical "ponytale." But you can still check out the full infomercial below: