Sen. McCain to retrieve Super Bowl ring?

Dearest Russia,

 

We weren’t going to say anything, because it just seemed so
silly to bring it all up again. It’s just that, Russia, we believe
you have
one of our most precious football-related pieces
of jewelry
, and we would like to have it back. To underscore
how serious we are in this request, we turn to one of our finest
men, Senator John McCain:

Look, we’re not trying to make a big deal out of this, but
Patriots owner Robert Kraft would really just like his ring back.
He’s a busy man and he would come get it himself, but we figured
why should he take time out of his schedule to get his Super Bowl
ring back when we figured we’d be seeing you anyway?

We know you’ve said that the ring was actually
a gift given to President Vladimir Putin by Mr.
Kraft himself
, and we also acknowledge that your country has
offered to give a
sympathy
present
to the Pats owner, too, but fair is fair, right?

So if we could just have the ring, now, we’ll be on our way.

Sincerely,

America