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Hey, Gisele: Leave the football to Tom!
Hey, Gisele Bundchen, thanks for fingering Wes Welker as the real culprit in New England’s Super Bowl loss.
If not for you, he was totally going to get a free pass. Media and fans were going to pile on Patriots beleaguered quarterback and your husband, Tom Brady, and ignore Welker’s costly fourth-quarter drop that prevented them from making this championship Eli Manning-proof.
Obviously, Gisele heard NBC analyst Cris Collinsworth say, “Welker makes that catch 100 out of 100 times.” Hardly, and Gisele was the only one thinking quickly enough on her feet to point it out.
“You need to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball,” she is caught on video yelling back at Giants fans doing what Giants fans do and celebrating Manning’s ballsy and masterful Super Bowl-winning drive by talking about how he clowned Brady.
“My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time,” Gisele went on to say. “I can't believe they dropped the ball so many times.”
I’d actually feel a little sorry for her — who cannot sympathize with being a little emotional and trying to defend your spouse when unfairly attacked? — except every single one of my mommy friends would punch me in the face if I did.
Sorry, Gisele, women hate you.
I am not talking for the usual reasons — gorgeous, tall, skinny and incredibly wealthy super model married to Brady — that usually cause girl-on-girl crime like jealousy and hatred. We appreciate that is your life, really we do. What most women find obnoxious about Gisele is how she thinks it is her job to tell us how to live ours better, too.
When it comes to Gisele, women adopt a very guy-like policy — you are much hotter when you are not talking.
This is the woman who said there should be a “worldwide law” requiring new mothers to breastfeed for six months after they give birth and is always doling out parenting advice from the comfort of $20 mil mansion and what I am sure is nanny-insulated life.
What exactly is the punishment for the law breakers, Gisele? And how long until there is a worldwide law against dropping passes?
I don’t know how she does it really — raising her son perfectly, coaching the Patriots wide receivers, appearing in runway shows and sending email exhorting friends to “pray for Tommy.”
You know what God probably said — I think I gave y’all enough. Why not say a prayer for say somebody like Tony Romo or Joe Flacco.
I guess my point is nobody likes a sanctimonious SuperModelMommy and they really do not like the know-it-all-Monday-morning-quarterback guy, especially when he is a she and she is ripping on her husband’s teammates.
Look, Welker screwed up. He knows it.
Every single account of New England’s postgame I have seen describes him as distraught and talking about how in the biggest moment of his life he let the team down by failing to make a play.
By all means, pile on, Gisele.
Carve into New England tight end Aaron Hernandez, too, while at it. Just know this is something your husband would never in 100 years do and is why so much of America likes him in spite of his Uggs and his bank account and his Super Bowl rings and the whole being married to a Super Model and living in a $20 million mansion thing.
We do not begrudge successes, just ask they not spit down condemnation on the little people not doing it as well.
It is why we appreciate a guy like Brady absolving Welker afterwards, saying all of the right things. He knows that guys like Welker bail him out all the time. Brady probably appreciates that whoever the significant other in Welker’s life is — mom, sister, girlfriend, et al — did not spout off about how horrid Brady was after the Baltimore playoff game.
Not that I saw, at least.
Maybe, she was smart enough to wait until she got home to rant about how the quarterback is supposed to throw the ball into the hands of the receivers not in their vicinity. Or maybe, she learned what Gisele fails to grasp.
Everybody is trying to do the best they can. So coach your own team.
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