Shhhh! Jay Cutler is keeping a secret from us!

Seriously, he doesn’t want you to know when his wedding to Kristin Cavallari will take place.

Wait, THAT’S THE SECRET? Who do Cutallari think they are … Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston? Something tell us the paps aren’t going to be risking life and limb to watch Jay bitter-beer face his way through a wedding ceremony.

Oh, but we did find out that the couple is apparently registered at Williams-Sonoma (with a fake wedding date! Pranksters!). Sigh, fine. Does anyone want to go halfsies on a gravy boat?