Mail-it-in Friday: Does Los Angeles deserve an NFL team? (Yes!!)

I don’t want to believe it yet. My natural pessimism won’t allow it to happen.

But it’s coming. And when the St. Louis Rams, Oakland Raiders and San Diego Chargers filed paperwork with the league on Monday, the truth has started to reveal itself:

The NFL will be coming back to Los Angeles.

It’s just a matter of time. And for an LA-area native such as myself, nothing would make me cry harder into my chai tea latte than the thought of a joyous reunion with the league that abandoned me 20 years ago. I’m ready for it, I can’t wait for it.

BUT . . .

The question must be asked. Does Los Angeles even deserve ONE team, let alone two, as the rumors have stated over the past year? Let’s tackle this topic in this edition of Mail-it-in Friday. Don’t worry, the NFL playoffs aren’t going anywhere. We’ll break all that down next week. And let’s face it, it’s better to talk playoffs once the poseurs have been eliminated on Wild Card Weekend.

PIGSKIN IN A VEGAN NIRVANA

Full disclosure here: I’m fully in the "Bring the NFL back to LA" camp. I won’t apologize for it, and I will argue with anyone who tries to tell me differently — irrationally if I have to. So prepare yourself for some immature retorts.

Sean,

Exactly. Sure, Southern California might be a collection of soft, finicky, godless wusses (myself included), but there are so many of us. And contrary to popular belief, we spend money on more than yoga mats, hair products and life coaches. There’s alcohol and overpriced food that I love to spend half my paycheck on.

And hmmmm, what personifies alcohol and overpriced food? Duh, the NFL!!

There are millions of people in the LA area. The law of averages says you will be able to find 70,000 people to fill up a stadium for eight home games a year. This isn’t 1995 anymore. The Lakers are awful, and we’re tired of watching the Dodgers choke in October every year. The NFL will be a welcome distraction.

Who said,

That’s right! Thank you for the compliment and for recognizing my predicting genius. I alone was smart enough to realize that if a game is meaningless, the Dolphins can’t be stopped.

I’m the greatest!

Bill,

Wow, the old question-reversal ploy, eh? Not gonna lie, I just peed a little in fear.

(Brief pause to adjust self)

Yes, the NFL does deserve Los Angeles. SoCal is a land of glitz, glamour, fake boobs, fake calves, fake buttcheeks and real spray tans. Not sure how that compares to the NFL, but who wouldn’t want to be in an environment such as that?

Ricardo,

If you want to question LA loyalty, you don’t have to look further than the Lakers or Dodgers. The Lakers have eight wins this season. Eight. They’re awful by all accounts.

And yet, a quick check of the attendance figures show that the Lakers are in 11th place this season. Guess who is in 12th place? The San Antonio Spurs, a team with a 31-6 record.

And the Dodgers have always been at or right near the top in attendance every season. And that franchise has put out some unwatchable teams over the years — trust me, I know.

My point is: Los Angeles sports fans have been unfairly pointed out as fair-weather fans. Mainly by people from Boston and New York and truthfully, nobody cares what those people think.

Ernie,

I hear you and I acknowledge the Raiders have a huge fan base in Los Angeles. But yet, something doesn’t sit right. The Raiders belong in Oakland, and I also feel that the Chargers should stay in San Diego.

My wish is for the Rams to move back to Los Angeles. They were the city’s original NFL team — yeah, they moved from Cleveland — and were here for decades until a former showgirl decided St. Louis was an attractive destination.

Listen, I don’t want to malign St. Louis the way Stan Kroenke did, but I will say that the latter’s description of that market isn’t entirely wrong.

John,

YES! YES! YES!

William,

A fellow history buff. He just gets me.

Connie,

Tyler,

Right! We’ve got it all. Kardashians! Seacrest! I’m sure Matthew McConaughey has a place in Malibu somewhere. We’ve got so many celebrities here that we don’t even pay attention to them.

This is the one city where Hillary Duff can have a kale smoothie without being hounded by 10,000 autograph seekers.

NFL players would fit right in.

Mo,

OK, I’ve had enough of the people on my side. Like the great William Wallace once said:

BRING ON THE HATERS

Let’s see what those people who feel LA is unworthy have to say. And then I will mock them.

Mya,

Yeah, but imagine what it will be like to have a waterfront stadium. Just beautiful. Man, it must hurt to have me turn your facts into something awesome.

D-Rod,

I was going to get after you for that comment, but then I saw that a reader named Daniel took care of it for me.

Yeah! Take that, D-Rod!

Obed,

Once again, I hand it off to Daniel FTW:

Sorry, Obed. You just got served. Mmmmm, hmmmm!!

Frank,

Really? So, according to your logic, Luke Skywalker shouldn’t have tried to become a Jedi after getting his butt handed to him in "Empire Strikes Back"? I mean, after all, he already had his chance.

Maybe people shouldn’t try for a new romantic relationship after one ends. After all, they had their chance, right?

See what I’m getting at?

Mr. Lemon,

Hokie pokie, eh? Well, Mr. Lemon, I suggest your turn yourself around until you find a better line of logic!

BOOM!

Martin,

Like I said before, nobody cares about New York.

J-Boogie,

Charlie,

Oh, no. Are the Canadians coming with comments? I better get out of here before I’m up to my armpits in maple leaves, hockey pucks and Tim Horton’s donuts.