NFL Week 2: Off-the-cuff picks

By Andy Nesbitt,

Living in Los Angeles has its advantages – the weather is always nice, the burritos are always packed with delicious meat, and you never know when you’re going to bump into a star.

All three of those things came together at the same time earlier this week when I ran into an unemployed NFL QB at my go-to Mexican food place in Hollywood.

It didn’t take long to realize all the nice things I had heard about the unemployed QB as a person (super nice, easy to talk to, inspiring, strong, etc.) were absolutely true.

After a few minutes of small talk, I told him about my picks column and asked if it would be OK to include him in this week’s post.

“That really sounds swell,” he said with a boyish smile while picking up his burrito with his left hand and taking a bite. “The only thing I ask is that you don’t use my name. I’m really trying to stay off the radar right now. I’m working on things. Big things.”

I told him that was fine. I’d write it up in a way that nobody would ever be able to guess who I was talking about.

Here’s a hint. He’s in this photo:

Q: Do you miss being a part of the NFL?

A: Oh boy, it has been my lifelong dream to be a QB in the NFL and I’m just so blessed that I have been able to be that the past couple of years. Golly, I hope to be back in that spot sometime soon. That job is super fun. I have goosebumps just thinking about it!

Q: Rumors are an Arena League team in Los Angeles has offered you a job. Is that true?

A: That rumor is true but the name of the team is a little too sexually explicit for me. Oh boy, I dunno if I could ever play for such a team.

Q: Do you get mad when people say you don’t know how to throw a football?

A: (Laughs) Shoot, I can’t control what people say or think about me (pats me on the shoulder). None of us can. We just have to love each other and know that we are all in this together and that each day is special. I just think it’s really neat that people are interested in me. So neat.

Q: Can I have a bite of your burrito?

A: What’s mine is yours, my friend.

Q: You are so nice.

A: Awwww, thank you, sir.

Then we just kind of sat there for a while and finished our burritos in an awkward silence.

Reader comments! Here’s where we take the nicest comments from last week’s picks and have a little fun. Want to get in on the weekly discussion about football? Hit me up right here.

Steve S. wrote: A cold joke about Green Bay? That’s the best he can come up with? I’m not coming back.

Me: Welcome back, Steve.

Michael B. (simply) wrote: choice.

Me: Good? Bad? I NEED TO KNOW!

Patrick M. wrote: To whomever wrote this article, your comment about The city of New Orleans was a cheap shot. You are obviously a big (swear word)!

Me: If I had a nickel for every time somebody said that to me …

John O. wrote: How do you IDIOTS get jobs writing garbage like this!

Me: I’ve answered this question many, many, many times over the years: You have to go to college for six-ish years and then hope A LOT of things go your way. And sleep in a lot. And don’t really have any “back up plans.”

OK, on to the picks:

San Diego at Philadelphia: What does someone’s face look like at the exact moment they realize their offense is going to make everyone in the NFL jealous? See the GIF below. Eagles 35, Chargers 23

Cleveland at Baltimore: Baltimore’s defense is as stable as Lamar Odom right now. Thankfully for the Ravens, all they have to keep up with this week are the Browns. Ravens 23, Browns 7

Carolina at Buffalo: Cam Newton wore Superman cleats before last week’s game, then went out and played like grass was his kryptonite. Bills 20, Panthers 15

By the way, we tracked down Superman’s reaction to Cam’s performance:

Minnesota at Chicago: The best thing about Jay Cutler is that he’s better than everyone and he knows it.  Plus, he can catch a helmet behind his back like it’s nothing. Bears 24, Vikings 13

Washington at Green Bay: Clay Matthews said this week that “he’s an awesome player, not a dirty player.” Then he added “I’m also a humble person and the best person.” Packers 41, Redskins 28.

Tennessee at Houston:  The Texans have asked the NFL if they can have the same refs from their Week 1 game against the Chargers. Texans 23, Titans 13.

Miami at Indianapolis: Colts owner Jim Irsay is afraid of Andrew Luck taking too many hits and demanded this week that everyone on the team does a better job of protecting the QB. Here’s what they plan to do: Colts 33, Dolphins 12.

Dallas at Kansas City: Hulk Hogan becomes a fan of the Cowboys, hangs with Jerry Jones during the season opener and suddenly Jones becomes an expert on knowing when other teams are faking injuries? Coincidence? Cowboys 27, Chiefs 24.

St. Louis at Atlanta: Matt Ryan should change his nickname from Matty “Ice” to Matty “I Stink in Big Games and Have Only Won One Playoff Game in My Career.” Too wordy? Falcons 31, Rams 20.

Detroit at Arizona: Ndamukong Suh isn’t a tough guy, he’s a dirty guy. And if he was standing right here in front of me I would definitely not say that to his face. Lions 27, Cardinals 17.

New Orleans at Tampa Bay: Question that will stump Jeopardy contestants in 2020: “Played quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers from 2009-2013.” Saints 30, Bucs 10.

Denver at New York Giants: There’s a new strain of marijuana in Colorado named after Peyton Manning. Apparently it makes you feel happy until you realize your little brother has more Super Bowl rings than you. Giants 34, Broncos 31.

Jacksonville at Oakland: The Jaguars are on pace to score 32 points this season, which, coincidentally, would equal the number of season ticket holders in Jacksonville. Raiders 17, Jaguars 9

San Francisco at Seattle: Seahawks fans are going to try to break a world record for crowd noise Sunday night against the 49ers. Maybe they should wait to do it in the fourth quarter. 49ers 30, Seahawks 13.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: Good news, Steelers fans – Penguins training camp opened this week. Cincinnati 24, Steelers 13.

Last week’s record: 10-6

Questions? Comments? Send them to and we might respond next week!