Mail-it-in Friday: You’re gonna tell me that Rexy isn’t sexy?

By Sid Saraf, FOXSports.com

We’re back! Welcome to Volume X of Mail-it-in Friday and I couldn’t be more fired up. We’ve got many great letters this week as you dear readers have been supplying them by the dozen. We’ve got a person calling out Rex Ryan, people upset about undercover security measures at stadiums and much, much more.

Remember, if you want your email featured here, fire off your missives to lacesoutmail@gmail.com.

OK, let’s get to work!

FIRST, AN ANTI-MANNING MESSAGE

Nitebreed wrote,

Manning…manning…manning, this guy has always had pro bowl type receivers. I would like to see what he could do with your average mediocre receiver. Don’t get me wrong I think Peyton is without a doubt the best quarter back for reading defenses but he is not god’s gift to the NFL. I’ve watched Tom Brady take a ragtime team into the playoffs and win, in fact i’ve witnessed Brady break most of the records that Peyton set, like his 49 TD’s in a season then Brady had to add one more to the mix with his 50.

I don’t think either one of them will ever be greater than Joe Montana. For one Peyton (to me) doesn’t show the class a guy of his stature and popularity should show and carry himself like the professional he’s suppose to be. He didn’t even have the class enough to congratulate Drew Brees after the saints man handled them in the super bowl instead he just walked off the field like a sore loser.

The Colts really have no one special on their team and look what Andrew Luck is doing there. If you want to really praise someone here is the guy let’s hear a little more about up and coming players like him. There is one question that has alway puzzled me and maybe I don’t know the whole story i’m sure as the league only tells you what they want you to know. I’ve always wondered why both Peyton and Eli have been the only college players in the history of the league to have dictated which team they would play for…I’m wondering if it has anything to do with Archie Manning since he actually runs the league except for when he allows Goodell to play boss.

Sincerely,
Sick of the Manning Football League
(or I mean the NFL)

So, let’s review: Archie Manning secretly pulls the NFL strings behind closed doors with Roger Goodell as his puppet and Peyton Manning isn’t classy and had the gall to be selected by the Colts in the NFL Draft.

Nitebreed, you have an epic name and you penned a perfectly rambling message. I never do this at such an early point in the mailbag, but you’ve forced me to hand you The Golf Clap of the Week Award. Kudos to you!

FAKING THEIR WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY

The Cowboys made news this week, accusing the Giants defense of faking injuries to slow down their offensive tempo. Not surprisingly, people have opinions.

Chris wrote,

You say nothing can be done about it. Nuts. It’s so easy it’s silly.

New rule. Whenever play is stopped for an injured player, that player must leave the game and not return until after the ball has changed hands. That is, if he is an offensive player, he can’t return until his team has scored or lost the ball, the other team’s offense has been on the field, and his team’s offense returns. Then he can return. Similarly on defense. If injured on special teams, he cannot return to the field until the team with the ball at the end of the special teams play loses control of the ball. The wording will need to be tightened up, but that’s the idea. It does two things.

One, if the player is faking it, his team will lose his services for a reasonable period.

If the player is really hurt, this will be a safety measure so that there is time for him to be properly evaluated before he returns to the field.

Simple. And so obvious I’m amazed you didn’t think about it while you were brushing your teeth.

I loved your General McAuliffe callout in your opener. Epic.

Chris, everything you just said makes absolute sense. I love it. Like you said, it’s so simple that it would be idiotic not to implement this immediately. You even took the wind out my counter-argument by saying if the player is really hurt, the time on the sidelines allows for proper evaluation. This calls for a celebration!

All that being said, the NFL will never allow this to happen. They’d rather herp and derp along until people forget about this issue. There will be a group of owners who will shoot this down whenever proposed rules changes come up. I can’t see this one passing. But who knows, maybe I’m not giving the NFL enough credit.

Also, my great thoughts come to me in a different part of the bathroom. Not the sink, not the shower … I think you can figure out what I’m talking. (It rhymes with boilet.)

Rick wrote,

Not the first time Giants slowed drives by supposed injuries—check the Giants v patriots regular season and last Super Bowl—cheaters

I see, so the Patriots lost the Super Bowl because the Giants faked injuries. I … you know, I won’t debate you on this. Enjoy your dreamworld.

REXY NOT SEXY?

A story came out this week that Jets coach Rex Ryan once told his team he was going to punch Patriots coach Bill Belichick in the face before a game. I went ahead and predicted that if a fight actually went down, Rex would win because he’s dropped a bunch of weight and probably has the stamina to survive. Well, that didn’t sit well with one of you.

Cheryl wrote,

Rex Ryan did NOT lose weight by cutting calories and hitting the gym … he took the easy way out and had gastric bypass surgery last year! He admitted that he doesn’t have the willpower to lose weight through diet and exercise alone!

Please don’t let the general public believe that this man lost weight by only dieting and exercising – you are doing a disservice to all of us that HAVE lost weight through diet and exercise!! We have taken the hard path of watching portions, eating the rights foods, and exercising, and it really pisses me off to see pics of celebrities or high profile people who have taken the easy way out and are being hailed for how great they look for losing weight.

Gimme a break – any loser can go have gastric bypass surgery and lose weight! Let’s see how long he actually keeps it off before we start hailing him as some sort of svelte and sexy man.

Cheryl, first of all … congratulations on losing weight. And also congratulations on your sanctimonious attitude. Nothing feels better than losing weight and then critiquing how other people reach the same goal.

So, Rex “cheated.” Big friggin’ deal. At least he had the sense to go and do something about it. He was uncomfortable enough living in Jabba mode for all those years, so he did what he had to do. Did he ride the most admirable path to losing weight? No. Did he at least LOSE weight? Yes.

Furthermore, I’ll tab whoever I want as sexy. And Rexy is sexy … in the sense that he looks way better than he did before.

A MATTER OF SAFETY

Seattle police announced a plan to put undercover officers in 49ers jerseys in the stands at CenturyLink Field on Sunday in order to curtail fan-on-fan violence. That also got a reaction.

Ken wrote,

What a great idea! They should do this in all stadiums… and publicize it to put people on notice… and make going to a game a fun and safe experience again for everyone… including families. I never understood why fans think it’s okay to be abusive and even physical with someone just because they root for the opposing team.

Gotta agree and disagree with you. I think it’s great if undercover officers are in the crowd to curtail fan violence. Fights and other related garbage is not just dangerous, it’s shameful to watch that type of male douchiness flourish.

I remember being in the stands during a Cowboys-Dolphins game in South Florida a few years back. At some point in the second quarter, no less than three separate fights broke out a section over from me. This wasn’t just posturing, pushing and shoving. People were wailing on each other. Closed fists, the whole nine yards.

By the way, all these fights were taking place in the middle of rows or in the aisle. Somebody could have been seriously hurt. I mean, we’ve already got people tumbling off walkways in stadiums, so it would be a real bummer if someone died from fighting at a game.

But here’s what also stinks about undercover officers: They make it so much harder to sneak small bottles of booze into the stadium. I can’t have that. I’m not taking out a loan to shell out three-years salary for a mixed-vodka drink. That sucks.

Jason wrote,

Why do you announce it? Why do you need to do a story online about that? Now the idiots in Seattle will think that every 49ers jersey in the stadium will be an undercover cop! Why would the Seattle police want to implement an under cover sting just to have some moron with a job for a sports website and a keyboard screw up the plan and make it public knowledge? Oh yeah 1st amendment excuse again………… Thanks dummies now all of the NFL Fans are aware of the situation.

So, let me just ask you a question: If every Seattle “idiot” in the crowd on Sunday thinks every person wearing a 49ers jersey is an undercover cop, how is that a bad thing? From prior experience, if you think someone is an undercover cop, you do your best to behave around that person.

Which, if I’m not mistaken, is kinda the whole point. To keep things safe. If fans with bad intentions think they’re surrounded by undercover officers, they’re gonna think long and hard before starting crap in the stands.

But nice try, Jason. If you hate me, just say so (don’t really say so).

Paul wrote,

This just goes to show you the Seattle Police have nothing better to do. My God clear bags now this. What is the world coming to!!!!!!

Dude, they really might not have anything better to do. Besides getting a cup of coffee, listening to Macklemore, watching Frasier re-runs on Lifetime and Disclosure on Cinemax, what else is going on up there?

Tami wrote,

I think this is an awesome idea. I am a Minnesota Vikings fan and I went to the game in Seattle last year. I had just had surgery on my ankle and was on a medical scooter. I was standing in a line for refreshments and a Seattle fan walked past and kicked the wheel on the scooter, I could not believe it. I will never return to that stadium Seattle fans are the worst. I have been to other stadiums and I have really had lots of fun the best fans so far are the Arizona Cardinals.

Just playing devil’s advocate here: Are you sure the person kicked your scooter on purpose? And are you sure your wheels weren’t jutting into the walkway? And for all those people who might be outraged by my line of questioning, it’s not like Tami is confined to the wheelchair, she just had surgery.

Anyway, if that person did it on purpose, send him/her straight to NFL prison. But don’t judge all Seattle fans based on that one experience (Sid note: My fiancée, the big Seahawks fan, wrote that last sentence).

HURRY-UP, SHMURRY-UP OFFENSE

Alan wrote,

Sir: Personally, I think the hurry up offense is ridiculous to the average fan. There is nothing stopping the League from ruling it is only allowed in the last 2 minutes of a half. In baseball the pitcher can not pitch until the batter is in the box, and ready for the pitch to be delivered. In recent years, everything has been done to help the offensive teams score as much as possible. Is it really that surprising that teams like the New Orleans Saints tried to injure the opposition’s star offensive players? Enough time for substitute defensive players to get set should be allowed before the referee marks the football ready to be hiked. High scoring games get boring when they happen all the time.

Maybe they should send permission slips home for parents to sign before a ball is allowed to be snapped. I’m the first to say that rules have been tailored in recent years to allow more scoring and protect offensive players.

However, limiting hurry-up offense to the final two minutes of a half is a clown statement, bro. Yes, in baseball the pitcher can’t pitch until the batter is in the box, but once he’s in there, it’s fair game. The pitcher doesn’t have to wait for the batter to finish adjusting his batting gloves and actually look to the mound.

By the way, if offenses sub in players, NFL refs will stop the action and allow defenses to do the same. What’s more, did you use the hurry-up as justification to injure players?

Doug wrote,

One game and it’s the next greatest offense ever, so was the Wildcat. Unbelievable.

Good lord, are we so cynical these days? Am I allowed to be impressed with the way Chip Kelly’s offense looked in the first game? MUST we tear EVERYTHING down the moment it happens? Frustrating …

RANDOM MUSINGS

Colin Kaepernick and Russell Wilson, the two quarterbacks taking part in Sunday’s 49ers-Seahawks clash, apparently made a video where they bet on the game. The loser would have to shave off an eyebrow. Well, many of had some thoughts regarding this.

Bill wrote,

No question.

It has been shown following shaved eyebrows in the E.R. to suture eyebrow lacerations, that many eyebrows, as such, failed to regrow. Do either of these two want that? Just saying to raise not only awareness but an eyebrow or two questioning, perhaps, total folly life-time lasting.

Oh well, kids will be kids. Have at it!

William [last name redacted] D.D.S., M.S.D.

Indeed. Boys will be boys.

Jeremy wrote,

Can anyone explain how Victor Cruz gets his touchdown with no issues……but Calvin Johnson gets his called back?

Sorry, Roger Goodell won’t return my phone calls and Mike Pereira doesn’t like me. But my best guess is that there’s a wide-ranging conspiracy that goes all the way to the top. I’m talking White House. I’m talking JFK-level here.

That’s what you want to hear, admit it.

Michael wrote,

I am so tired of these “professional” players dropping and fumbling footballs. If I were the coach, I would seriously warn all players that after one fumble or drop, the next would result in them being placed on waivers; NO EXCEPTIONS. Maybe then they would learn what most of us had beaten into us as young players, that you do not let go of the ball and that dancing in the end zone is unacceptable.

What if the guy catches the ball, but a defender crushes him and he drops it? By the way, what if Larry Fitzgerald drops a couple passes? Are you gonna throw him on the scrap heap? Didn’t think so. You can’t have hard and fast rules in this game. There are too many factors that could be out of a player’s control.

I also don’t have a problem with dancing in the end zone. I have a problem with BAD dancing in the end zone.

Patrick wrote,

Is Reggie Bush playing “Against “ the Lions as your headline indicates?

HA! Shows what you know! I wrote “Reggie Bush was playing against the Lions” in the story body, not the headline! Which, come to think of it … is just as bad. Sigh.

Well, it’s clear I have some brushing up to do, so I’m gonna go take care of that. I also made it through the whole way without a single Tebow email? It’s a miracle!

See you next week!