Well, here we are. It’s Volume IV of Mail-it-in Friday and I’m on the second day of a three-day juice cleanse. Yeah, life is just great right now. So, I’m gonna do my best to get through this without eating my keyboard for sustenance.
This week, you guys are fired up about Tim Tebow (what a surprise), RG3’s new home and Rusty Smith (huh?), among other topics. Remember, if you want your email included, fire off your pithy comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.
OK, let’s get to work!
FIRST, A MEA CULPA
No Bieber fan here but a pissed Canadian
His being Canadian makes you vomit?!? And references to moose and skates?? That’s what you got? And they pay you for this? You forgot the other incredibly obvious canuck features – superior intelligence, less girth, less guns and trailer parks, toughness, higher standard of living, health care for all with superior health outcomes, and oh yeah – other than dumb yanks, the other 98% of the planet can’t stand you (for obvious reasons) and really dig us (for obvious reasons). In fact, this article is kinda like the articles today in US news sources referencing bad Chinese tourist behaviour – point derogatory fingers at other so your own knuckle dragging behavior gets off the front page.
Have you ever written something and immediately regretted it? In last week’s mailbag, someone pointed that Justin Bieber (in the news because of an incident with Keyshawn Johnson) is Canadian and I took that and ran with it.
Fine, it wasn’t funny. And it hurts me to know that I’ve hurt you. Michael, you and I had a relationship. And I violated that relationship by calling out Canada. I’ve damaged the relationship. I feel like Tommy Callahan. I’m about to break down like this:
TOO MUCH ACCESS
Dear Laces Out,
What do you think of the new expanded policy to require T.V. cameras in all NFL Locker Rooms & not just in the winning team’s locker room? Personally, I could go me entire life quite happily never, EVER having to see these guys in just their towels & unmentionables. I’d vote to give the players more privacy & use those extra cameras on the field to catch all the bad calls.
Jennifer, you’ve hit the nail on the head. For those of you not in the know, the NFL is installing cameras in each home team’s locker room, to provide greater access and an inside look at what’s going before the game and at halftime.
Yeah, I don’t need that. I have no desire to ever see B.J. Raji head to the bathroom at halftime to cure a rumbly stomach while I’m sitting and eating nachos. That’s disgusting. And what if someone’s towel slips? Do I want that floating in my head while I’m trying to go to sleep at night? Nah, son … I’m out.
Who don’t the Cowboys look at Tebow? Romo just signed a new contract so Tebow could sit behind Romo and learn how the play QB. Both have close to the same style of play. Dallas could get him cheap, he is better than Kyle and Jerry could attract all the news because of the signing. It possibly could help the Cowboys running game as well.
Oh. My. God. Jackie, I think you might be on to something here. Most teams won’t sign Tebow because of the circus that comes with him.
But which NFL team is already covered by a big top? Where every move they make is already under a national microscope? That’s right: the Cowboys! Jerry Jones has to get this deal done right away.
Let’s just imagine what it would be like when Tebow arrives for his introductory press conference. The hype would grow to such proportions, that all we’d see was a flash of light and then bam:
Yep. The Hype-rogen bomb would wipe all of us off the face of the planet.
Brad wrote (on Tebow’s future),
Not in the NFL unless there’s a spate on injuries. But why not mention Canada—is it really so bad? He could do a reverse Warren Moon.
Canada is definitely not bad! Didn’t you read Michael’s email? Canada is awesome!
But no, I can’t see him pulling a reverse Warren Moon. Mr. Moon was a supremely talented passer who for some dumb reason, didn’t get a shot at the NFL right away. Tebow is a great leader who can’t throw well. I’m not seeing the parallel here.
I love Canada.
Sorry, no question..just a comment. bilechek (probable not the right spelling but don’t really care..maybe gives you an idea of what I think about him) said he “hates” Tebow as a player. No wonder so many people “like” him (hope you can read the deep deep sarcasm in the last sentence).
Sent from my
Sent from your what? Toilet? Balcony? Hospital bed? Your friendly neighborhood Buffalo Wild Wings? The last part of your message seems to have been cut off.
Anyway, I give you props for not caring about how you spell Belichick and for not making it clear who the person is that so many people “like.”
I’m sure “bilechek” is “really upset” that you don’t care for him. (Sarcasm?)
Sorry for being snappy, Larry. I’m really hungry.
There are many more Tebow emails, but I’m cutting it off here. I’m too malnourished for more.
HATE FOR VICK
And the dog fighting guy who goes to jail – get millions of dollars later – that is absolutely bull stuff. Just sayin………………….he files bankruptcy and still comes back to collect more from the fans and doesn’t do jack what ?????????? and doesn’t have to pay back the bankruptcy stuff… right !! he is the hero ?
You guys get a life.
“Bull stuff?” Come on, either use foul language or don’t. Riding the line just comes off silly.
LOVE FOR RUSTY!
Hey [expletive deleted], Rusty Smith IS a good quarterback – go back to reporting high school sports dbag.
A backstory probably would help here. Our own Sam Gardner wrote that a member of Tim Tebow’s camp said that Tim Tebow’s NFL run could be over. Sam pointed out that Tebow has to be better than some current backup quarterbacks in the league, e.g. ( or is it i.e.?) Rusty Smith.
Well, John … I’m siding with Sam here. Tim Tebow is better than Rusty Smith. I’m sorry, he just is. Tim Tebow should have an NFL job over Rusty Smith. If that makes me a bad person, then I’ll live with it. I’m drinking juice instead of eating food right now. Why not sink with the Tebow ship?
P.S. How did you know I once reported on high school sports? Ahh, those were the good old days!
A H wrote,
Bro…..Rusty Smith can at least hit a slant pattern…He is in the NFL for a reason, and Tebow isn’t..Im just sayin…time to schedule a visit to the opthamologist.
Bro, why should I get my vision checked? So I can see all the food I can’t eat right now? I’ll keep it blurry, thank you very much.
And yes, Rusty Smith can hit a slant pattern. Big deal. Is that all you need to be an NFL quarterback these days? By the way, we’ve seen Tebow hit a slant pattern before. We’ve even seen him hit a post pattern, too. Allow me to show you:
By the way, I’m not even a Tim Tebow fan and you’re making me defend him. Once again, there a reasons why Tebow doesn’t have an NFL deal right now. But let’s not play games and say he’s worse than Rusty Smith. Just sayin’.
MESSIN’ WITH RG3
The Redskins star has been in the news lately, first for writing nice thank-you notes to people who sent his wedding gifts and for buying a lovely home in Virginia. That got you guys to start writing:
I have a great wedding gift for RG III…
Can I deliver it to his house ? Meet him briefly ?
Kind Regards, Scott & Jonathan Big Father & Son — FANS !
OK, let’s all take a few steps back. Nice and slow, with no sudden movements.
Scott, you and your dad sound like good people. But no, we’re not providing any addresses and I’m sure Robert Griffin III is very busy. But thanks for asking!
Where do fans send a housewarming gift?
Why is RG3 so special, huh? Did you know that I just moved into a new apartment? Where’s MY housewarming gift?! Did you even stop to think that there are people who DON’T make millions of dollars moving into new places every day?
Just for god’s sakes, don’t get me a juicer. Get me chicken … deep fried chicken. With gravy! And steak! And Chimichangas! And ice cream!
Can we leave Robert III alone? Why is the fact he bought a very nice home news?
It makes me laugh knowing people seem to get off on ease dropping into the personal lives of athletes.
I think we all need to get a life and worry about ourselves instead of Robert and what he bought or didn’t buy or what types of wedding gifts he’s receiving.
P.S: I met his parents Robert II and Jackie and they are lovely.
Us, leave HIM alone? He’s the one trotting out in front of the cameras every five minutes to update us on his rehab. Listen, just tell us when you’re ready, OK Robert? We don’t need every little detail.
Furthermore, we weren’t trying to pry into his life. I was giving RG3 credit for landing such a sweet crib at a relatively reasonable price. No hating here.
I’m sure his parents are wonderful people, too. I like parents.
Richard Castillo wrote,
Is Justin Bieber really worth it ???
As I’ve come to learn from our first email this week, no he really isn’t. Still love Canada, Michael!
“The Seahawks rather bluntly denied any interest in the former Florida Gator. Ditto for the Cleveland Bronws.” The link for the Cleveland Browns has “Bronws” misspelled.
And a very happy Friday to you, Jessie! However, “Bronws” is how you spell “Browns” in India. True story.
By the way, did you see how polite Jessie was there? Let that be a lesson, folks. You get more with honey than you do with … whatever the opposite of honey is. If you want something changed, be nice. Too often, we get letters that go like this:
Nice job, moron. What the hell is a “Bronws?” Did your mother drop you on your head when you were little? Are you getting paid for this? I really hope you get fired and end up penniless on the street, with only a moth-eaten jacket and one shoe to protect you from the cold, harsh environment.
Seriously, hire me. I’ll clean up your site and not be such a useless load.
Calla Thomas wrote,
Your Active E-mail won!
It did? Awesome! Please say I won food, please say I won food. Oh, please. Oh, please.
Just sold out.. To sign w/jay z is to sign in blood:-/ …good luck with that Geno
How dark! Did Edgar Allen Poe write that? April, you’ve just won the golf clap of the week.
OK, folks … that’s it for this week. I’m off to eat like a zombie. Come back next week! Again, if you want your email featured here, please send your messages to email@example.com