By Andy Nesbitt, FOXSports.com
I immediately thought the worst and started collecting my personal belongings when I saw my boss sprinting toward my desk earlier this week. He certainly wasn’t in a hurry to give me any good news. He probably saw that I had picked the
to beat the Seahawks 30-13 last week. Those kind of mistakes don’t go unnoticed. ''You need to pack your bags,'' he yelled at the top of his lungs. Another job down the tubes, I thought. ''You’re going to
, PRONTO!'' he screamed. ''
fans are having a rally to try to get
on the team! WE NEED YOU THERE!''
My first thought was: The Jaguars have fans? My second thought was: Will I be able to expense my meals? ''Why me?'' I asked while tossing a broken pencil into my bag. ''Well, we all know you and Tebow are boys and this could be big,'' my boss shouted while rubbing his head. ''They’re expecting thousands of people to show up tomorrow at 3:16 p.m. They will be loud! They will be demanding! This rally could bring the city of Jacksonville to a standstill!'' How did he know I knew Tebow? I thought I didn’t give
too much away in last week’s column
. All of the sudden (after four layovers and a missed connection) I found myself in Jacksonville standing outside the Jaguars' stadium. I thought it would be a wild scene. I was prepared for the worst. I was ready for pure bedlam. What did I see? Two people standing around a sign that read, ''We want Tebow on the Jaugs!'' OK, I thought. These folks are so worked up they couldn’t be bothered to spell Jags correctly. I approached the group with caution. My boss had warned me about NFL fans and how crazy they can be. ''Why are you guys doing this?'' I asked. ''Because he could be our savior!'' yelled one fan, who was dressed in a Tony Boselli jersey that looked to be a size men’s medium, at best. ''And I figure this could get me on television. Do you have a television camera?'' ''What about you?'' I said pointing at the other guy who couldn’t stop staring at his shoes. ''I was told there would be free sandwiches here,'' he said. ''Do you have any sandwiches?'' ''Sorry guys, I don’t have a TV camera or any sandwiches. I’m just a pseudo Internet journalist trying to get to the bottom of all of this.'' Then they just stood there for a few minutes, looking me up and down before turning around and sprinting out of the parking lot. And just like that my big break was over. Thanks a lot, Jacksonville.
Time to look back at some of the best responses
from last week’s picks
. Want to get in on the weekly discussion about football?
Hit me up right here
or leave a comment at the bottom of this post.
Did not the man ask you to not use his name? Have you ever been part of the CIA? The media is full of you guys who promise confidentiality and then stab them right in the back. Of course this story is just pure comedy. He did not ask you to not use his name and you did not actually tell him you would write in such a way as to hide his identity. If you actually did you are indeed of terrible character. As the media seems to be in general. Please keep me anonymous as I am not authorized to speak about this LMAO.
: I’m sorry, kind sir, but I think I did a fine job of not giving up the unemployed QB’s name or identity. And I’m not in the CIA, though I once took a tour of the FBI during a family trip to
D.C. as a kid.
Colin S. wrote:
win 30-13 in Seattle? Whatever you're on, I want some of it.
I think we should both get some of whatever P.S. is on.
Mike G. wrote:
Well not easy to suffer through the gifs, but some solid bullet points to consider.
Saying you suffered through the GIFs is like a runner saying he suffered through drinks of water during a marathon. But thank you for considering some of the bullet points.
Gregory D. wrote:
First time I have read your article, liked it, some funny stuff, like Cutler’s hidden helmet catching abilities.
Thank you, Gregory. You have now read more of my stuff than my father has.
On to the picks:
Houston at Baltimore:
blasted fantasy owners last week
for blasting him after his terrible game. Then he realized he started himself in his fantasy league and did this:
New York Giants at Carolina:
Three things you can count on in September: Kids going back to school, temperatures dropping, and the
quickly becoming irrelevant. Giants 24, Panthers 13.
Green Bay at Cincinnati:
The only thing more productive than the
offense is Johnny Manziel with a sharpie in a hotel room, allegedly. Packers 32,
St. Louis at Dallas:
take pain killers to get through the game this Sunday
fans will use painkillers to get through games in December. Cowboys 30,
Cleveland at Minnesota:
became the first person in history to seem sad about leaving Cleveland. Here’s how people usually react when told they’re leaving Cleveland:
Tampa Bay at New England:
is starting to look a lot like Dan Marino. And we’re not talking vintage Marino, more like crazy-old-man-scream-at-your-receivers-like-they-just-insulted-your-mother–and-kicked-your-puppy-on-the-way-out Marino.
17, Bucs 7
Arizona at New Orleans:
There are only two things that make Rob Ryan upset: Bad plays by the
defense and restaurants that don't keep refreshing your supply of dinner rolls. Saints 27,
San Diego at Tennessee:
wishes every month could be called September.
Detroit at Washington:
? More like RGSeeyalaterplayoffhopes.
Atlanta at Miami:
is quickly becoming one of the top four QBs in the AFC East.
Buffalo at New York Jets:
QB E.J. Manuel cried after his first-career win last week. Jets fans cry every time they look in the mirror. Bills 24, Jets 20.
Jacksonville at Seattle:
Seahawks fans are known for being loud. Jaguars fans are known for being absent. Seahawks 31, Jaguars 6.
Indianapolis at San Francisco:
Jim Harbaugh is to acting like an adult as my dog is to acting like a marine biologist. 49ers 23,
Chicago at Pittsburgh:
Steelers fans love calling their town "Sixburgh." This year they’ll be lucky to be "Fiveburgh."
27, Steelers 20.
Oakland at Denver:
the following text after the
beat the Giants last week: ''Nice try, LOL.'' Eli simply texted back this photo: Broncos 33,
10-5 (No Thursday game pick)