The 2016 NFL season is nearly upon us, and as such, most human American people are champing at the bit to get this preseason garbage out the way for the real fest. Of course, this national fever does not discern by income brackets, and celebrities are not immune to the call of fall Sundays on the couch. The following are the biggest, most recognizable names who'll be rooting for their team and agonizing over the RedZone channel this year.
Getty ImagesWesley Hitt
Arizona Cardinals: John McCain
Noted Arizona senator John McCain doesn't need much reason to talk about his Cardinals.
LA Times via Getty ImagesCarolyn Cole
Atlanta Falcons: Samuel L. Jackson
He will rise up and strike down with awful vengeance anyone who tries to slander or besmirch his Falcons.
Getty ImagesKevin C. Cox
Baltimore Ravens: Michael Phelps
A Maryland native with 22 Olympic gold medals (and counting), Phelps has been a Ravens from the get-go and has become a good friend to former Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis over the years. I know. The world is weird.
Getty ImagesPatrick Smith
Carolina Panthers: Steph Curry
Having spent much of his childhood in Charlotte, North Carolina, while his dad, Dell, played for the Hornets, Steph Curry developed a love for the Carolina Panthers. So when the Panthers lost to the Broncos in the Super Bowl in February, Steph and his Panthers jersey caught the Crying Jordan just like everyone else.
Getty ImagesKevin C. Cox
Chicago Bears: Barack Obama
Chicago native. Longtime Bears fan. I don't know how Barack Obama has survived two presidencies and Jay Cutler throwing footballs for his team.
Getty ImagesMark Wilson
Cincinnati Bengals: George Clooney
Born in Kentucky, Clooney became a wisely prudent Bengals fan thanks to proximity over the years. He's been seen sporting Bengals gear and shows up for playoff games whenever the blue moon occurs. So he's a smart fan, essentially.
Getty ImagesFranco Origlia
Cleveland Browns: Jason Dufner
Remember your Browns fan friend who freaked out way too hard when the team drafted Johnny Manziel? That's Dufner.
Getty ImagesTom Pennington
Dallas Cowboys: LeBron James
An Ohio State and Dallas Cowboys fan, James' perfect worlds collided when ol' Jerry picked up Ezekiel Elliott in the 2016 NFL Draft.
Getty ImagesRonald Martinez
Denver Broncos: Trey Parker and Matt Stone
[Sad, hurt look] "Go Broncos!"
Getty ImagesAlbert L. Ortega
Detroit Lions: Eminem
The Detroit rapper is a noted Lions fan and purveyor of excellent, wide-eyed facial expressions in the broadcast booth.
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Green Bay Packers: Lil Wayne
Weezy "F" Baby, and the "F" is for "For real he's a rapper from New Orleans but a Packers fan, so stop bothering him about it."
Getty ImagesEthan Miller
Houston Texans: George Bush Sr. and George W.
George H.W. Bush has been a regular at Reliant Stadium (now NRG Stadium) since its opening in 2002, and his son W. seems to be all about the Texans as well.
Getty ImagesBob Levey
Indianapolis Colts: David Letterman
Perhaps Indianapolis' most famous living resident in general, Letterman has supported all of Indy's sports teams and fixtures over the course of his career as a late night host funny man (and now, a retired funny man and well-groomed cave person).
Getty ImagesMichael Hickey
Jacksonville Jaguars: Gene Hackman
Hackman is supposedly a huge Jaguars fan. You learned something new every day. Do your thing, Gene.
WireImageRon Galella, Ltd.
Kansas City Chiefs: Paul Rudd
Rudd is Kansas City's most ardent celebrity sports fan. No one likes Kansas City as much as Rudd likes Kansas City — where he grew up and his father was a tour guide and his mother a television station manager.
Getty ImagesJamie Squire
Los Angeles Rams: Not Nelly / Mystery Box!
Who will be the Los Angeles Rams biggest celebrity fan? Kanye West? Kim Kardashian? Saint West? (It will NOT be Nelly)
ASSOCIATED PRESSTom Gannam
Miami Dolphins: Johnny Depp
Mr. Depp has spotted at Sun Life Stadium in Dolphins gear, which is more than enough to mark you as a super fan of any sports team in South Florida.
Minnesota Vikings: Prince
Born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, Prince made music for the Vikings and was unquestionably their most high-profile fan. We will presumably find 20 more Vikings-centric songs when his personal library of jams is fully released to the public.
RedfernsRichard E. Aaron
New England Patriots: Matt Damon
This was a close one, but in the Sports Battle of the Famous Boston Bros, I'm giving Patriots super fanship tenure to Matt Damon. He beats out Ben Affleck by the slightest of margins, because his name is more fun to say.
Getty ImagesJohn Capella/Sports Imagery
New Orleans Saints: Brad Pitt
Pitt has been tied to the Kansas City Chiefs, but as a friend of Drew Brees and a New Orleans home owner there's more physical evidence to suggest he bleeds black and gold.
Getty ImagesChris Graythen
New York Giants: Daniel Radcliffe
"You're a Giants fan, Harry!" In the long run, the NFL Sorting Hat could've been kinder to Radcliffe.
New York Jets: Adam Sandler
Sandler is a New York Jets fan — or is so to the extent that Sandler can appear to be a fan of anything these days.
Oakland Raiders: Tiger Woods
Woods is a big Raiders fan and an even bigger fan of locker room tape-up texts.
Getty ImagesAl Messerschmidt
Philadelphia Eagles: Kobe Bryant
Even when his team catches the L to the Sixers, Kobe is never shy about his Philly rooting interests.
Getty ImagesVince Bucci
Pittsburgh Steelers: Snoop Dogg
Snoop Dogg is the chillest person on the planet — until it comes to critiquing his Steelers.
San Diego Chargers: Phil Mickelson
Mickelson loves three things in this world: golf, stock tips and his Chargers.
Getty ImagesHarry How
San Francisco 49ers: Robin Williams
One of Williams' greatest passions outside comedy was his love for the San Francisco 49ers. R.I.P., good sir.
Getty Images for PCAKevork Djansezian
Seattle Seahawks: Macklemore
[The longest sigh.]
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Dick Vitale
Dick Vitale lives in Tampa and supports all its sports ventures maniacally. God bless him.
Tennessee Titans: Faith Hill
Honorable mention goes to Hill's husband Tim McGraw, but I think she's earned top billing after her halftime performance at Super Bowl XXXIV.
Getty Images for Nashville RisinFred Breedon/Nashville Rising
Washington Redskins: Kevin Durant
Born in Washington, D.C., Durant's roots in the area go deep. After Josh Norman, his fanship is the second coolest thing about the Redskins.
Getty ImagesAlex Goodlett
Buffalo Bills: Tim Russert
I didn't forget about you, Buffalo. Television anchor and lawyer Tim Russert was a Buffalo native and the Based Bills Gawd. And he made no attempt to hide it.