long-standing joke that Chris Bosh was the perfect face of the
Toronto Raptors franchise during his time in the Great White North
because he so closely resembles an actual velociraptor.
But until now, no one had taken the steps to analyze how Bosh
the Actual Dinosaur would perform on the court.
Observe below, this YouTube simulation that offers a decent
guess at how Bosh would look in the Heat lineup if he actually took
on the form of a raptor. Suffice it to say, having an 8-foot
flesh-eating beast on your side isn’t the worst thing in the
So, yeah, that’s awesome, but a couple thoughts: A) Why
are Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant’s heads so big in the video?
B) Why does Bosh becoming an actual dinosaur mean his jumper is so
silky again? And C) Why is everyone not running away BECAUSE
THERE’S A DINOSAUR ON THE COURT?!?
This commenter also makes a fair point:
Now, I hate to be a wet blanket, but it is at this point that I
also feel obligated to point out that an actual velociraptor was roughly the size of your dog and probably
wouldn’t pose much of a threat in a 1-on-1 situation, except
for maybe popping the ball with its claws. He’d probably be
behind Greg Oden on Miami’s depth chart.
But I hate to spoil the fun, so let’s just watch some
Jurassic Park and pretend I never said anything: