Slim Thug recruits Dwight Howard

Dwight Howard never went to college, but he’s still getting to
experience the world of recruiting.

The Los Angeles Lakers
tossed up a billboard to show their love for
Dwight. The Dallas Mavericks are reportedly ready to make him the
face of the franchise. And the Golden State
Warriors have dispatched Stephen Curry to
in their pitch
. But none of them have found as creative a niche
as rapper Slim Thug, who is doing his best to woo Howard to the
Rockets in his native Houston using a number of talking points.

On the difficulty of getting along with Kobe Bryant:

On the affordability of real estate, and … umm …:

On the availability of good gentlemen’s clubs:

On the issue of child support payments:

On the price of alcohol (plus tip):

On the football-first, minimal-pressure fan base:

And, of course, reckless driving isn’t quite as forbidden in

But ah! The plot thickens. How much can we really trust Slim
Thug? Behold:

And sure enough:

Still, that’s all an impressive argument, and he didn’t even
bust out the trump card — the lack of state income tax in
Texas. Your move, Lakers.