In fact, we can think of at least 10 retired players we'd like to see fight much more than you, JaVale.
Shaq vs. Charles Barkley
This fight has been teased forever, and even though now they're just chuckle buddies on TNT, it needs to happen. We've always wondered what would've happened if that left that Shaq threw back in the day connected with Chuck's mouth. Plenty of people want to see someone shut Chuck up, and Shaq should get first dibs. If Barkley shocks the world, Kevin Garnett is next in line for a shot. If Shaq wins, maybe a tune-up fight with Brad Miller or Greg Ostertag before he faces Kobe in a pay-per-view main event.
USA TODAY SportsBob Donnan
Bill Laimbeer vs. Robert Parish
Really, any of the Bad Boys could tangle with the Celtics of the '80s. Isiah Thomas vs. Larry Bird already has been promoted. But Parish warmed up for this one by whacking Laimbeer way back in the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals. All these years later, Laimbeer remains That Guy You Wanted to Punch So Bad. Let's bring back the NBA's glory days.
Kurt Rambis vs. Kevin McHale
OK, Rambis may seem more like the NBA's version of Ned Flanders than a marquee fighter. But we've always wanted to see him toss aside the glasses and get savage ever since McHale clotheslined him in one of the most infamous examples of '80s brawlball. McHale may rank way behind Danny Ainge on the List of Celtics You Wanted to Punch, but this is a grudge match decades in the making.
Charles Oakley vs. Dennis Rodman
It was impossible to make this list without Charles Oakley, and Dennis Rodman annoyed everyone, so why not? These two were longtime Eastern Conference rivals, and Oakley approached being an enforcer the same way Rodman approached defense and rebounding. We'd expect Rodman to try every trick in the book, but who's gonna bet against Oak? If he wins and Reggie Miller beats John Starks, we're booking that fight.
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Kobe Bryant vs. Karl Malone
An actual, horrified reaction to this pairing: "You're going to make Kobe fight Malone?"
Well, yes. We already saw Malone vs. Rodman in the wrestling ring, and remember, it was Kobe who pushed the Mailman into early retirement from the Lakers when he accused him of insulting and/or hitting on his wife. Same offseason Shaq got shipped out of town and Phil Jackson was sent packing. This is for every Lakers fan who still feels Kobe broke up that dynasty, and every Kobe fan who could never embrace the former Utah Jazz rival.
There's probably no way Kobe survives an encounter with Malone's elbows. And if he loses like we all expect, he still has to face Shaq next. That may sound unfair, but sorry — there are a lot of unresolved feelings involved here.