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Ad watch: Tracking Daytona 500 commercials
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Dale Jr. shows he can drive anything, even a carriage led by the famous Bud clydesdales. Here's some knowledge for you: No NASCAR driver to test drive clydesdales has ever gone on to win the Daytona 500. Think about that for a while.
Suddenly, we're hungry for a big piece of turkey. The new Nextel phone can do a bunch of things, but we don't really care about that. We like the large turkeys and the delicious looking cooked turkey legs. Isn't meat great?
Something tells us that if Dale Jarrett actually did race the UPS truck in an official NASCAR race, he'd get smoked. That is, unless it was a demolition derby NASCAR race. Sunoco "Got gas?"
Gas is not a good thing to have during a romantic dinner. But during the Daytona 500, it's absolutely necessary.
Remember waking up early as a kid on Saturday morning so you could watch the NASCAR cartoon? Neither do we, but the animated Coke ad was darn cool. That's right, we said darn cool.
Suddenly we're very hungry. Where's that pizza we ordered? Wait, it hasn't been ordered yet. Never mind.
Let's say you wake up on, oh, we don't know, Saturday morning. For some reason you have a killer headache. Apparently there's a fast-acting Tylenol out there. The guys of NASCAR were impressed by it in this ad. Even old-man Jarrett. Maybe it's worth a shot.
Darrell Waltrip has gone big time and drives his NASCAR truck straight up to the red carpet in Hollywood. One major question remains: "Dear Darrell, you have a smokin' ride, but where's the hot date?" Evinrude, "Fat guy in a little suit"
It's not every day that you get to see an ad on television for a motorboat. Then when you finally do see one, it includes an overweight man in a little pink g-string? It's times like these when you wish there was no such thing as water. Chevrolet, "Trucks"
We like trucks, hate country music.
Darrell Waltrip reads trivia questions off individual Pringles. Here's one he forgot: Who is the best guy to cover NASCAR? Answer: Darrell Waltrip. Everyone should read his stuff.
If there were really a program that sold automobile parts as fashion accessories, we'd never leave the house. Other things we'd never leave house if it existed ... actually, we won't go there. Side note: How many ads can Dale Jr. be in? Doesn't he ever have to like, uh, practice racing? Do they have practices in NASCAR? Goodwrench, "Little yellow truck"
No real man would be caught in a mini, yellow-colored truck. But, it happened.
How cool would it be to have NASCAR's finest cars wheeling around your living room? Very cool. But not real cars; miniature versions of the real cars. It's safer that way, because then you won't have to worry about the family cat getting run over. And it's never funny when your family gets run over.
A popular Simpsons character gets outed. Start your outed pools now. We've got Patty Bouvier. Though, it could be Barney. He has a crush on Homer. Everything will get really awkward. Notice how they're playing down the gay issue during the Daytona? Don't want to piss off the red-staters. Toyota, "DW races through the streets"
Darrell Waltrip's wild rampage through the city would have netted him a dozen tickets for traffic violations. This isn't a good example to set for the young, aspiring drivers out there. Side note: Who is the best guy to cover NASCAR? Answer: Darrell Waltrip. Everyone should read his stuff. Cialis "Longer, stronger"
It wouldn't be a major sporting event without an ad for this fun-loving medical breakthrough, now would it? Just watch out for those "four hour problems."
We wish our remote could change our ride, clothes, TV, pad, significant others; actually we could pretty much use an upgrade on everything. Budweiser, "Select"
OK, less time looking at the bottle of ice cold beer, and more time on the smokin' hot bartender girl. If all bartenders were like her, we'd live in a bar. Wait ... Nextel, "Phone love"
Phones are cool and all, and using phones can be fun sometimes, too. But falling in love with phones? That might mean you have a problem. A big problem. KFC, "Chicken for a buck"
We've started a group called FDLFECTCAB. What's it mean? Friends don't let friends eat chicken that costs a buck. Gillette, "Young guns"
Why do NASCAR drivers have that smooth, baby-face look? Now, you know. Dumbest ad of the day. By far. What kind of guy invites the guys over to check out his razor?
There should be more ads like this one on TV. We didn't even care that the lead singer from Hootie & the Blowfish was in it. We really didn't. OK, maybe we did. But just a little.
As this goes to show, you'll do just about anything for an ice-cold, tasty brew. You'd step over your own mother just to get to one! Unfortunately, one such gentleman will need dental work after this failed attempt to get a taste of the fermented goodness.