Whatever humor can be found in most police reports is unintentional. Alas, they do things a little differently in Canada.
You may remember that back in May some idiot ran onto the field at a Toronto Blue Jays game. Well, Drunk Jays Fans got its hands on the arrest report, and it’s a work of art.
If you find that difficult to read, here’s the text:
On May 5, 2013 at approximately 3:18 PM the Toronto Blue jays were surprisingly winning against the underrated Seattle Marriners. Our hapless Jays limped along to the bottom of the 8th inning. At one point, the Jays were considered World Series contenders. One can almost forgive the accused for his below described actions.
Luckily, the accused ran onto the field from level 100 and wasn’t forced to jump from the 500 level out of sheer frustration.
In any event, the accused before the court, Joseph [Redacted], in what can only be described as an attempt to inject some kind of spark in our listless Jays, ran onto the field “interrupting” the game, giving jays fans a brief respite from their season long agony.
The accused was subsequently placed under arrest to applause, transported to 52 Division where he was released on a Form 10/11.1.
This case also involves a Shakespeare-quoting prosecutor. The Canadian justice system seems like it’s got some joy to it, does it not?