The death of the hot dog & the weirdness of new ballpark food

What's going on with ballpark food? It seems each week there's some new, weird food product being sold at stadiums across the country. How come the hot dog isn't cool anymore?

Why aren't hot dogs cool anymore?

TEDDY BLACKBURN / AFP

If you long for the days when simply putting ketchup on your hot dog was weird as can be, then don’t even consider visiting the concession stands this year at major-league ballparks.

It seems the competition has drifted off the field and into the world of something Mary Shelley might have dreamt about.

As organizations try to drum up some publicity and attract the kind of baseball fans that are ready and willing to welcome these innovative new culinary cow-pies into their digestive system, hot dogs and hamburgers across the country are wondering why they’re just not good enough anymore.

Why do they have to be filled with bacon and jalapenos and pizza and be 48” long? Why can’t they just be who they always were?

I think the common answer here is “because this is America, damnit.” And that’s true. This is America, damnit.

And it’s true that the marriage of baseball and food has a long and storied past, but with all the efforts MLB has made to eradicate juiced-up players from the game, I for one would like to focus some efforts on eliminating all the juiced-up junk food at the concessions.

Call me old-fashioned (or just make me one), but let’s get back to the basics. I don’t need my bacon served on a stick, and I don’t need my pizza in a hamburger.

Just give it to me properly portioned and served on the tip of a very sharp sword.

Who’s with me?

Here's some of what's being served this year:

Thank you, @darrenrovell for making this easy to pull together.

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