MLB

In case the Mayans were right . . .

So where does the calendar mention the Cubs?
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Greg Couch

Greg Couch has been a national columnist at AOL Fanhouse and The Sporting News and an award-winning columnist at the Chicago Sun-Times. He was featured twice in "Best American Sports Writing" and was recognized by the US Tennis Writers Association for best column writing and match coverage. He covers tennis on his personal blog. Follow him on Twitter.

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Not to say “I told you so,’’ but I’ve been saying for years that the world would end before the Cubs ever won the World Series. For me, it wasn’t so much about studying a Mayan calendar as spending a lifetime watching a team on the cheap until it decided to overpay ... for Alfonso Soriano, an outfielder afraid of the wall.

So the day has come. The world is going to end Friday, according to the Mayans, and the Cubs are still the worst team in baseball. They didn’t even come close to making it. Scientists now say the Mayan calendar-thing was just a misunderstanding, and that doomsday isn’t here. That’s easy for them to say now, as they’ll either be right or no one will be around to say otherwise.

EYE CANDY

We're not just watching the field on Sunday. NFL cheerleaders provide the perfect sideshow.

There are plenty of things in sports I won’t miss when the world ends. Here are just a few of them.

Trying to figure out what plays in the NFL are reviewable.

Stephen A. and Skip making facial expressions as if they’re about to say something really, really important.

College football’s money grab in the name of our education system. Last seen: Big 12 coaches trying to fix the coaches poll so Northern Illinois would be screwed out of a BCS bowl.

The inevitable train wreck of Hope Solo’s marriage.

Lockouts, though the NHL one doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. No one has noticed.

The college basketball regular season.

Jerry Sandusky complaining about his treatment in prison.

Scandals started on, and argued out through, Twitter.

Waiting for the Cubs. Waiting for Soriano to go the opposite way.

Those NBA postgame interview glasses without lenses.

bracket

THE RIGHT MOVES

See how NBA dance teams get crowds all fired up.

Bracketology.

Seeing college fans slobber over children on signing day.

I’d say Tim Tebow, but there’s a chance he will be the only one to survive.

College realignment, a sellout of tradition.

The Yankees Dodgers buying any player they want (but not taking Soriano).

Boxing judges.

The Little League World Series. When did children start to become a form of our entertainment?

Baseball’s refusal to use more instant replay.

Pete Rose and his new reality show with his fiancé, former Playboy model Kiana Kim. Of course, true, honest, not made-for-TV love is always nice.

$9 beer.

The Pro Bowl.

Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa. Heroes who weren’t.

The Tebow Watch. Where will he go after the Jets dump him? Jacksonville, Kansas City, St. Louis? Not this again.

Super Bowl media day. Soft writers.

Team owners scamming us for our tax dollars. I’m not even sure Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria and President David Samson are the worst offenders, though they ponied up huge amounts of money for payroll to show voters that they are serious about the team. Then, after voters gave them their new stadium, they hacked away at the payroll. The scam: bait and switch.

Danica Patrick trying to win.

Rex Ryan.

Rob Ryan.

Concussions, and the NFL pretending to care about them in any way other than how they affect the outcome of all the lawsuits.

Tiger Woods failing to win a major.

Bowl games before Jan. 1.

The Yankees getting too old. Actually, I might have been OK with that. They’ve already gotten plenty.

But the Cubs? Not in this world’s lifetime.

Tagged: Cubs, Alfonso Soriano

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