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FRIDAY REWIND: Week in review

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Randy Hill

Veteran columnist Randy Hill is a frequent contributor to FOXSports.com.
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With Tiger Woods rehabilitating his left knee, the hoisting of subsequent golf-entertainment slack has been assigned to San Francisco right-hander . Livan, you may remember, is the rascal who allowed the Anaheim to score four runs in Game 7 of the 2002 World Series. He also reached the clubhouse as leader for this episode of The Friday Rewind by joining the Seniors Felony Aggravated Assault Tour. Hernandez officially went the Seniors rout while allegedly attempting to take a few hacks at a 65-year-old man. The event was defined as a "street fight," with Livan using two or three clubs to reach the green in two. According to a witness, Hernandez gained momentum during this encounter after retrieving the club from the trunk of his car. According to sources with nice phone voices, Martha Burk is hoping Livan provides female street fighters with unlimited access to the same trunk. A spokesman for actor Jack Nicholson had no comment, although Hernandez may have violated a street-fighting patent. Considering the age of his competition, most critics believe the 27-year-old Hernandez should have been able to settle the issue with his putter. Livan, considered one of the best-hitting pitchers in baseball, didn¿t quite put the sweet spot of an alleged 8-iron on 65-year-old Fernando Martinez. The aforementioned witness blamed this poor timing on excess waggle prior to the Hernandez golf swing. His victim sustained what was referred to as a minor cut in the back of the head. This comes as a relief to Phil Mickelson, who feared that Livan would already be credited with a major cut.
  • Major League Baseball had a more rewarding time honoring two more Hall of Fame inductees.
  • Landing in Cooperstown as a first-baseman ballot inductee was Eddie Murray. Murray, who went through his career as something less than a quote machine, is planning to write his induction speech on one Post-It note. This week¿s other elected Hall of Famer is catcher Gary Carter. Carter, a go-to guy during interview sessions, was hoping to have his induction speed written by the prolific (and late) James Michener.

    NBA

  • It was a big week for rookie . Yao¿s old team, the Shanghai Sharks, retired his jersey ... right next to the spot where they retired his first NBA paycheck. Yao also agreed to an endorsement deal for "Yao Ming Basketball," a sprawling video game that will be available on cell phones and validate a prediction by ex-Green Bay Packer Reggie White.
  • Los Angeles center Shaquille O¿Neal has officially declared that he will not participate on the next U.S. Olympic team. Shaq, who threatened to boycott this Dream Team if coach was not put in charge, also points out that his summers will remain open in case he needs to postpone surgery.
  • Laker established an NBA single-game record by knocking in a dozen 3-pointers during a victory over Seattle. Kobe, who has yet to just do a rumored deal with Nike, was offered an endorsement contract with Smith & Wesson. He also is eligible for a night on the town with Joyce DeWitt.
  • The Dallas have offered a contract to highly regarded French swingman Antoine Rigaurdeau. Mavs owner Mark Cuban believes that hiring a player from France works under existing financial exemptions because the franchise still has room under the salary beret.

    NFL

  • The NFL confessed and apologized for having an "incompetent official down field" during last Sunday¿s NFC wild-card game between the New York and San Francisco . This official blew a call that would have allowed the to try another potential game-winning field goal. While throwing the white flag, league czar of officiating Mike Pereira also mentioned that this official broke his flag-chucking hand aboard ¿s yacht.
  • Green Bay quarterback ended retirement rumors by threatening to return next season.
  • The news created slight disappointment in many fans who were planning to retire Favre¿s jersey ... with Brett still in it.
  • The have promoted former coach George O¿Leary to the rank of defensive coordinator.
  • Franchise officials, who thought O¿Leary had done little more than coach the ¿ defensive linemen, were thrilled to learn that George has walked on the moon and invented the Internet.

    COLLEGE FOOTBALL

  • According to the computer of USA Today numbers expert Jeff Sagarin:
  • 1. USC had the best football team in the nation, 2. Miami (FL) had the second-best football team in the nation, 3. had the third-best football team in the nation, and 4. Diana Ross was legally sober when she was pulled over in Tucson.
  • , the top receiver at , is skipping his senior season and will make himself available for the NFL Draft.
  • Boldin had intended to become the Seminoles¿ next great quarterback when he enrolled at FSU, but was unable to develop gambling skills and/or learn how to sleep through an exam.

    NHL

  • While its players continue to redefine the concept of short-handed, the Ottawa Senators franchise is screaming toward bankruptcy. If these Senators were working in the United States, large contributions could be solicited from the tobacco industry.

    MASCOT UPDATE

  • Just in case they remain within striking distance during the late innings, the San Diego have hired a Rally Monk.

    BOXING

  • Roy Jones Jr. has issued a friendly wager to coincide with his upcoming fight against heavyweight John Ruiz.
  • According to the parameters of this proposed wager, a Jones victory would require a severe hairstyle change for promoter Don King. This sounded like an astounding suggestion until Roy remembered that King receives an impressive cut after every fight he promotes. Randy Hill can be reached at his e-mail address: rhill@foxsports.com.
    Tagged: Phil Mickelson, Packers, Vikings, Giants, Brett Favre, Mavericks, Rockets, Lakers, Knicks, Kobe Bryant, Angels, Padres, Giants, Livan Hernandez, Florida State, Miami (FL), Minnesota, Ohio State, Notre Dame, Colorado, Houston, Yao Ming

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