…is Kevin O'Shea from Little Giants.
Both are idolized for their past accomplishments, but when it comes time to beat the Giants in a big game, these coaches can’t pull it off. Also, although we know David Tyree’s snag to the dome as “The Helmet Catch” I’m pretty confident that the actual play called for “The Annexation of Puerto Rico.”
A nation’s premier event is crippled by a power outage. A superstar is exposed as a possible criminal mastermind. A man’s battle with cancer inspires a team into the playoffs. These aren’t tales from summer blockbusters; they’re narratives from the NFL landscape.
Football continues to provide some our of culture’s greatest theater on (the excitement of Robert Griffin III, the “Fail Mary” incident) and off (Bountygate) the gridiron. True, every contest might not come down to the last play like an episode of Friday Night Lights, yet each game manufactures its own twists and turns, its own heroes and villains, its own hope and heartbreak, all fueling the larger abstract of a season’s story.
The upcoming 2013 campaign is about to begin its adventure, and with this journey, a new cast of protagonists will take center stage. Keeping this sentiment in mind, which football stars are reminiscent of our favorite characters from pigskin-themed pictures? And yes, we abstained from making Michael Vick – Paul Crewe comparisons. C’mon on, we’re better than that…
…is Julian "J-Man" Washington from Any Given Sunday.
Just like LL Cool J to Jamie Foxx, Morris gets lost in the shadow of Robert Griffin III. Yet it’s the sound and steady presence of Morris that allows RG3 to do his thing, similar to J-Man’s ground contributions serving as the perfect complement to “Steamin” Willie Beamen’s dynamic style.
…is Jimmy "Dodge" Connelly from Leatherheads.
Though older, Brady remains one of the transcendent performers of his occupation. Unfortunately, this merit only goes so far, as a feeble supporting cast razes any shot at fruition. The MVP’s participation in itself makes this team worth the watch, just don’t expect the usual dividends from Brady-helmed endeavors.
…is Rod Tidwell from Jerry Maguire.
Terrell Owens or Chad Ochocinco would have been better choices if this were 2006, although Nicks still fits this bill. Entering a contract year in the fall, expect cries of “Show me the money!” to emit from Nicks’ camp, especially after fellow receiver Victor Cruz was bestowed an opulent deal this offseason. And if this somehow leads to Nicks executing a touchdown dance after a concussion, so be it.
…is Randall “Pink” Floyd from Dazed and Confused.
Forget football. These guys have more important priorities, like throwing keggers and snagging Aerosmith tickets. Sanchez is finding out that, as he gets older, the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. Nevertheless, as his recent off-the-field exploits have shown, the Sanchize is gonna keep livin’, man. L-I-V-I-N.
…is James "Boobie" Miles from Friday Night Lights.
A highly-touted running back is hurt after overuse. Sorry Minnesota fans, but you know this is happening.
…is Shane “Footsteps” Falco from The Replacements.
His play is not aesthetically pleasing, and the only time Tebow is getting on the field is if there’s an unexpected strike. However, Tebow’s leadership is unparalleled, and despite his athletic shortcomings, always does the little things to get the job done. Plus, I can totally see Tebow delivering Keanu Reeves’ “Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever,” speech.
…is Charlie Tweeder from Varsity Blues.
Stealing a cop car. Hitting nightclubs before and after games. Known to enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage. Associating with adult entertainers. Owner of questionable dance skills. I’d say this matchup is apropos.
…is Alan Bosley from Remember the Titans.
Honestly, I’ve never seen this movie, and I’m told Ryan Gosling’s character is actually a defensive back. But let’s be honest: these are two good-lookin’ cats, right?
…is Buddy from Air Bud: Golden Receiver.
What these fellas do on the field is inhuman.
(In a related note, according to Wikipedia – so you know it’s true – there are 13 films in the Air Bud series, including two Christmas specials. And you thought The Hangover: Part III was a money grab.
…is Daniel Ruettiger from Rudy.
Get it? Both went to Notre Dame, had the same nickname…ok, this was forced.