The SEC Championship CBS Drinking Game
OKTC debuted the CBS drinking game on November 5th with the LSU-Bama showdown. Hundreds of you played along on Twitter. This past Friday thousands of you clambered aboard our drunken ride for the Arkansas-LSU drinking game. You can still go check out last week's insanity at #cbsdrink. Now it's time for the SEC title game version and I need everyone to step up his or her game. It's a Saturday afternoon, evening, let's be honest, you've got nothing else going on.
As I told my wife when she asked me why I was drinking alone, "I'm drinking with my Internet friends."
So are you.
I'll be in Atlanta at the game itself. This means I won't be able to hear Uncle Verne Lundquist or Gary Danielson.
That means you guys are my eyes and ears.
You have to catch everything. (We'll also have an official scorecard at the end of the game so you can see how well you did playing along).
Once more I reiterate my Twitter endorsement: if you're a sports fan and you're not on Twitter you're wasting your life.
If you're confused by Twitter use my page as a jumping off point for who else to follow. I've got a good list of guys and gals that keep me updated.
Now on to drinking.
In honor of the 20th anniversary of the SEC title game, we've crafted 20 rules for you. (Yes, it has really been twenty years since the SEC title game started. Tonight ESPNU has a great one-hour piece on the inaugural SEC title game between Alabama and Florida airing at 10 central. Check it out.)
Here we go:
If highlights from the Boise State loss are shown or the graphic 0-2 appears on the screen, drink.
2. Whenever Verne or Gary makes a comment that sounds like either the description of a sex act (Last week's quarterback pulling out line was a great example) or doubles as a "That's what she said," that would have driven Michael Scott from The Office, crazy, drink.
You'll be amazed how many of these there will be, but they take iron-like discipline.
3. If Jordan Jefferson's legal troubles are analyzed, drink.
Take another drink if the legal troubles get their own graphic on the screen.
4. When Verne Lundquist refers to Tyrann Mathieu as the "Honey Badger" drink.
If you're still unsure where the Honey Badger nickname comes from, enjoy this interlude.
5. Every time Alabama's status in the BCS is mentioned, drink.
You might be thinking, but, wait, Alabama isn't playing. You're wrong. There are actually three teams in this year's SEC title game.
6. When Gary explains to viewers that the SEC can get three teams in to the BCS if Georgia wins, drink.
If Gary uses the telestrator on the BCS standings, do a shot.
7. When Verne chortles, drink.
If you're uncertain what a chortle is.
8. If Mark Richt's wife is shown passing out water on the sideline or her role as a watergirl is discussed, drink.
If they show video of Richt and his wife making out after the Kentucky game, do a shot.
I'm sorry for blinding you with this photo.
9. If Gary Danielson either finds defenders out of position in the wake of a big play or points out a touchdown pass that a quarterback missed drink.
Those of you who haven't played yet probably scoffed at this one. Don't. It's amazing how often this happens.
10. Drink every time Aaron Murray's scrambling ability and or speed is discussed.
It's like everyone expects for Aaron Murray to be a complete statue in the pocket. Any time Murray scrambles for more than three yards the next minute is spent extolling his speed or scrambling abililty.
When this happens, drink.
11. Every time Verne refers to a player that isn't on the field, a team that isn't on the field, or makes a glaring error in game description, drink.
Honestly, this could probably be the entire game.
12. When the camera catches Les Miles doing a palm clap, drink.
If you're unsure what a palm clap is, get ready to dance.
13. Whenever it's mentioned that LSU punter Brad Wing is from Australia, drink.
When Verne makes his inevitable joke about Australia, drink anew.
If one of your buddies has ever texted you, "I bet Brad Wing gets so much ass," do a shot for being jealous of a punter.
14. Drink each time Verne exaggerates either a Cajun or French name for an LSU player.
Again, this rule alone is enough to do you in.
Few men can see inside the mind of a dog better than Verne and Gary.
16. When you inevitably pause the DVR to look at a hot chick in the crowd better, drink.
If one of your buddies texts you to make sure you saw a hot chick in the crowd, do a shot for every text you receive. (You may limit this to one shot if your buddy is also playing #cbsdrink and is trying to make you pass out).
17. If Isaiah Crowell is shown posing with a bulldog puppy on signing day, drink.
This may be a drinking longshot, but I feel like this is destined to happen.
18. When Verne says: "Oh. My. Goodness." Drink.
This is Verne's signature call.
19. When Les Miles uses the words: want, multiplicity or perimeter in any interview with Tracy Wolfson, drink.
Perimeter is the new want.
20. If either Verne, Gary, or Tracy Wolfson make reference to #cbsdrink in any way, do a shot.
I have a strong feeling that CBS is aware of our game, it's possible we get a subtle nod during the broadcast.
Remember, you can communicate with all your best friends by using the #cbsdrink hashtag during the game. I'll also be retweeting y'all to keep you all abreast of the action.
We'll try to go multimedia some this time too. So if you want to snap a picture of your unique CBS drink setting -- who you're playing with, the beer you're drinking, the location -- and send it to me, I'll retweet it out for everyone to see.
Can we get players in all fifty states? I think that's virtually guaranteed.
Soldiers drinking water instead of beer in the Middle East.
Who knows? Surprise us.
See y'all Saturday afternoon.