JaMarcus Russell's Comeback Has Obstacles, Boobs
Last night came news that JaMarcus Russell is planning a comeback.
Today comes evidence that Jamarcus Russell's comeback needs a lot of work.
Local Baton Rouge station 104.5 provided these photos to Outkick the Coverage. This is JaMarcus Russell, looking like an oversized yeti in a basketball jersey, at a popular Baton Rouge restaurant. Yes, this is security camera footage, which somehow makes things even better. The shots are reportedly a year old, but if this is any indication of the shape that JaMarcus is presently in -- he's got a long way to go on his comeback.
How do we love these photos?
So much that it's time for awkward quarterback photos.
1. The Oakland Raiders gave JaMarcus Russell a $61 million dollar contract with $32 million guaranteed.
Judging from these photos Russell spent $33 million on syrup.
2. Russell is wearing cargo shorts.
Conveniently these cargo shorts also double as a cover for Air Force One, the president's plane, not JaMarcus's shoes.
3. Upon seeing these photographs the Tennessee Titans gave JaMarcus Russell another $10 million guaranteed.
The Titans are definitely signing him, right?
4. It appears JaMarcus is wearing a basketball jersey.
This is merely a camera illusion.
Instead, JaMarcus just ate fat Shawn Kemp.
5. JaMarcus Russell is fat as hell, but even he has a real girlfriend.
Your move Manti Te'o.
6. JaMarcus's rookie year Raiders head coach?
Can you imagine these conversations? This needs to be a movie.
7. Russell is not wearing sleeves because he sweats butter.
This way he can butter his biscuits by simply rubbing them upon his forearms.
8. Ryan Leaf looked at these photos and said, "Bro, that's a bust!"
Then he went back into his meth lab and passed out.
9. JaMarcus has recently advanced from size 42 shorts to "infinities."
Buster Douglas thinks these look awesome.
10. Russell recently announced that he will be known as Marcus for his comeback.
He ate the Ja'.