Awkward Fan Photos; Pregnant Alabama Fan Part Two
But first, here's another close up for you to digest.
And thanks to everyone who has sent this to me. I love that your first thought when you saw a pregnant Alabama fan smoking is -- "Clay Travis absolutely must see this!"
Electronic fist pound.
1. The car side mirror in the photo.
I love this because it demonstrates how unexpected the photo was.
Like, if we we ever found Bigfoot and someone took a photo it certainly wouldn't be perfectly framed.
No one is expecting to see Bigfoot.
Just like no one is expecting to see a pregnant Alabama fan smoking a cigarette.
2. The perfectly framed "A" from the Alabama souvenir cup.
This proves God has a sense of humor.
If the souvenir cup -- doubtless representing 100% of the cups in the house -- had been facing another direction, none of us could have been sure that this pregnant lady was an Alabama fan.
I mean, sure, we'd all expect that she was an Alabama fan even without seeing the cup in her hand, but we wouldn't have any direct proof.
But now, thanks to God, we know for sure.
3. The sports bra.
Because, who knows, on this walk she might need to knock out a 5k too.
You never know when the urge to run is going to hit you.
And you can't have your boobs bounce too much during that 5k.
No way, no how.
4. The pocket is longer than the shorts.
I'm far from an expert in women's fashion, but this has to be a no, no, right?
If you go with the plaid short shorts, you don't want a dangling pocket to keep you from bringing sexy back.
Y'all have fun with this in the comments, but there is clearly something in this left pocket.
What is it?
My best guess is a can of snuff.
5. The poor kid walking behind his mom.
He thinks this is normal.
I already feel sorry for his future pre-algebra teacher.
"Momma says homework is for sissies! Roll Tide roll!"
6. No wedding ring.
Look, I zoomed in as close as I could on this photo -- I thought we might see Boo Radley peering out from the house window in the background -- and I know this is going to shock y'all, but it appears this lady is still a free agent.
Lock. Her. Down.
7. She borrowed LeBron James's headband for the walk.
Why does she need that big of a headband?
LeBron James needs a headband this big because he's balding and trying to hide that fact from all of us.
But this woman isn't balding.
And her hair, while unruly, isn't really tamed at all by this giant headband.
So did she really need to go with the super size headband?
8. Where is she going?
We've got two kids.
So this means we've been through two pregnancies.
I don't recall my wife ever putting on a sports bra, tossing on a LeBron James headband, smoking, and wearing short shorts in our neighborhood.
But if she did choose to do all these things, there would be an emergency.
Like, the house is on fire, or the DVR stopped working during "Mad Men."
So this woman has to be going somewhere important.
After thinking about this for ten minutes -- you're welcome to share your ideas as well -- I've decided she's probably walking to the baby daddy's house to confront his current girlfriend.
In fact, has this episode of "Cops" aired yet?
In fact, could she be walking to the cow pond to break up this photo shoot?
I think so.
9. The father of this child definitely thinks I'm gay.
While he drinks out of his Alabama souvenir cup, he's thinking, "Man, your gay, Clay, so, so gay."
Then he yells at his girlfriend, "Dress up like Bear Bryant again, hunny, I'm feeling frisky!"
At OKTC we ridicule all awkward fan photos equally.
Humor doesn't discriminate.
As always, feel free to share your awkward fan photos by emailing or tweeting to OTKC.