Awkward Fan Photos: Beach Family Portrait Edition
I absolutely love this photo because it sums up the SEC perfectly.
Let's deconstruct my nine favorite things about this photo.
1. What's the familial relationship here?
My best guess from left to right: daughter, mom, son-in-law, dad, daughter, grandson, dad/son-in-law, granddaughter.
The only familial relationship that's really confusing to me is the girl on the far right. She could also be the unmarried daughter of the mom and dad. Basically, she could be anywhere between the ages of 16 and 26. (Yes, I know, that's a dangerous range.)
Otherwise, we've established the basic family dynamics, right?
2. The LSU fan doubles down in LSU gear.
I love this.
Not content with just wearing a t-shirt, he also rocks the LSU hat. Because, you know, without the hat, there could be some confusion about whether he supports Alabama or not.
3. Alabama fans insist on wearing Alabama gear in their family beach portraits.
I mean, this is pretty funny by itself, but it gets completely overshadowed by the LSU gear.
This makes my family beach portrait in jeans and a button down white t-shirt look downright stellar in comparison.
Are you really such a huge fan of Alabama that your family portrait has to be in Crimson Tide gear? I'm praying this picture ends up on the side of a van.
4. The women are all wearing houndstooth.
Did you know they sell houndstooth bra and panty sets at Alabama?
Seriously, they do.
Because it's every Alabama fan's dream to take off a woman's outer garments and have her dressed up like Bear Bryant.
5. Did the Bama fans surprise the LSU fan?
This would be great rivalry sabotage.
Don't tell the LSU family member what people are wearing -- in fact, make him show up in jeans and a button down white shirt -- and then, voila, the Tide rolls in.
6. The LSU fan is the only family member forced to kneel.
Did you watch the BCS title game?
7. The Alabama grandson already has Bama Bangs.
He's ten years old.
Why does he already have Bama Bangs?
Because if you're a preppy white male who reaches the age of 12 without Bama Bangs, you are executed.
8. Look at the way the mother-in-law has her hand on the LSU son-in-law.
At first glance this looks loving.
Upon closer inspection, I believe it's to keep her husband from placing his testicles on his son-in-law's head.
9. The LSU fan is wearing cargo shorts.
This is because he has important things to carry.
Left cargo pocket: handgun
Right cargo pocket: corndog
What did I miss? Add your observations below.
Caroline S., one of the women in the photo, was a not a fan. In fact, she says I'm going to hell for posting this:
"I don't know who you think you are but you are NOT funny!!! How dare you speak of my children the way you did in reference to my family photo. People like you disgust me. You have no idea who we are, what we have been through in life and what we have overcome. This photo means a lot to our entire family and you have no right to publicly announce your ridiculously uneducated opinions about it. You must be one super sad sick individual to find humor in moments that are special in people's lives. I actually feel really sorry that you are so pathetic. May the Lord have mercy on you cause your judgement day is going to BURN your bones!!!!!!"
I'll see y'all in hell.
In case you're wondering, I'll be the guy in the "Got 14" t-shirt.
At OKTC we ridicule all awkward fan photos equally.
Humor doesn't discriminate -- although it does feature Kentucky and Alabama fans at alarming frequency.
As always, feel free to share your awkward fan photos by emailing or tweeting them to me. firstname.lastname@example.org or the Twitter feed on the right side of the page, @claytravisbgid.