Questions with Comedians: Jim Florentine from 'Crank Yankers'
NOV 26, 2013 12:26p ET
This week's guest on Questions with Comedians is Jim Florentine.
The longtime comic used to voice the characters Special Ed and Bobby Fletcher on the old TV show "Crank Yankers." He currently co-hosts "That Metal Show" on VH1 Classic and tours around the country doing standup.
If you've never heard any of his "Terrorizing Telemarketers" bits then you'll want to check out the one below. It is gold.
He's a diehard Miami Dolphins fan, hates fantasy football, and thinks Jon Gruden is sexy.
Let's get into the questions.
1. Who is your least favorite professional athlete and why?
Florentine: Brett Favre. He was one of the most selfish players ever to play a sport. He started his retirement talk at age 30 and would miss training camp because he didn't want to do any hard work and would show up for his team right before opening day. He was more indecisive than a crazy chick.
When playing for the Vikings he refused to come out of a game that was a blowout. He waved his coach off and stayed in. Any other player that did that would have been crucified. Favre did it and the media said he did that because he's a fierce competitor. He (allegedly) sent penis pictures to a 20-year-old and you can see he was wearing Crocs at the time. No grown man should ever wear crocs! Other than that, he's a first ballot Hall of Famer.
Florentine: The only reason this is such a huge story is because of the greedy NFL owners and commissioner trying to make the game appeal to everyone and now you have the broads on "The View" discussing this case. It doesn't help that most of the media reporting on this are the same people who got bullied by a guy in high school who reminded them of Ritchie Incognito. To them, this story is payback.
3. Who's the sexiest professional athlete out there today?
Florentine: Not an athlete but Jon Gruden because his fourth-grade haircut is really sexy.
4. If you could be a star in any sport which one would it be and which position would you play?
Florentine: Baseball. Left fielder for the S.F. Giants.
5. What's your best sports memory?
Florentine: Watching Dan Marino play for 17 years.
6. What would be your walk up (to the plate) song if you played pro baseball?
Florentine: Rage Against The Machine - Bulls On Parade.
7. You're a huge fan of heavy metal. Which band would you like to see play halftime of the Super Bowl?
Florentine: There is no reason AC/DC has not performed yet. How about booking an act that the real, hardcore fans like? I don't want to hear that old tired argument that they want women to watch the halftime show. Women did watch Beyonce last year for the first minute and then got jealous on how good she looked after just having a baby and walked away from the TV and went back in the kitchen for more wine.
8. What are your thoughts on people who play fantasy sports, like fantasy football?
Florentine: It stinks. Now nerds watch the game and I have to deal with these dorks in the sports bar with their laptops open checking their stats.
9. What do you think of the NFL going soft and wanting to crack down on things like players taunting opposing players while scoring a touchdown?
Florentine: It goes back to the NFL trying to get everyone to watch their sport. I liked the taunting. I don't blame them for doing it. If I scored an NFL touchdown I would whip my junk out.
10. Who are three people in history that you'd like to sit next to at a ballgame?
Florentine: Dan Marino, Barry Bonds, and Bon Scott.