Hat tip (sorry) to NBC Sports' Craig Calcaterra on this one, who notes that the Yankees are offering limited-edition New Era caps to commemorate the nine most recent World Series titles won by the franchise. Included in that group is a hat to mark the Bronx's last championship team, the 2009 squad that beat the Phillies in a Fall Classic that most Mets fans probably spent face-down in a gutter, muttering curses to themselves.
Now, the Yankees and their fans being the epitome of grace, class and understated decor, the 2009 hat is a lovingly modest yet stirring tribute to a team that—nah, just kidding, it's an ugly pile of overblown tackiness.
Look at that thing. Count all the ways in which it is hideous. What's your favorite part? The 27 tally marks on the side to remind passerby that your favorite team has, in fact, won a championship several times, and that the best way to make that known is with a bunch of random gold lines on your head? The fact that the hat's designers apparently took their cue from the model of restraint that is Trump Tower and made everything gold? That the Yankees' logo isn't even on the hat anywhere? Or maybe it's this piece de resistance on the underside of the cap's brim: a panoramic view of Yankee Stadium III (in its inaugural season, as a patch on the back of the hat reminds you for some reason) that looks like something that even Thomas Kinkade would think is a little much.
How much more Yankees fan could a hat be? This hat boos Robinson Cano during every at-bat when the Mariners play the Yankees, even if the hat is watching from home. This hat wears a Derek Jeter home jersey with Jeter's name on the back and has a special Paul O'Neill shirsey it breaks out for softball games during which it strikes out four times in five trips to the plate and spends most of the time chugging Bud Lights. This hat has failed the city firefighter exam three times but swears the next attempt will be different. This hat has been thrown out of a Staten Island bar for screaming at the bartender after she refuses to turn on a preseason Giants game. This hat has the name of its oldest child tattooed in flowery script across its bicep, which is always exposed once the temperature gets above 55 degrees. This hat has seriously considered a Jumbotron proposal. This hat calls WFAN three times a week with trade ideas that always involve dealing Jacoby Ellsbury for a Cy Young candidate. This hat can never pick the correct usage or spelling of “there,” “they're” and “their.”
It's a bad hat, folks.
Anyway, if you're a Yankees fan who's interested in this hat, then you'll have to cop it at Yankee Stadium, where it and the other eight World Series commemorative caps are on sale—though the Yankees will presumably also be giving the 2009 hat away to the fans in attendance who most loudly and aggressively hit on the spouses of strangers.