Hot Dog began silently flailing and shaking back and forth in the hopes of getting Hank to let go, but the precious little puppy refused to release its vicious, blood-hungry jaws. The other four sausages attempted to swat the mini-mascot off of Hot Dog, whose frail-looking human limbs began to twitch, but their attempts were no match for the murderous hunger fueling the ferociously fluffy canine.
Five minutes and approximately four horse tranquilizer darts later, Hank was finally settled and delicately carried off the field while three of the un-mangled racing sausages attempted to pick up the scraps of foam scattered across the diamond. The fourth, Polish, raced to the finish line and claimed the first sausage race victory of the 2014 season. Racing officials will convene tomorrow to discuss the legality and circumstances of the race, but as it stands, Polish reigns victorious.
And this gem of a quote by Brewers fan Keith Swailman:
"We didn't just lose the game; we lost our innocence, as well," Swailman said, comforting his crying 9-year-old son, dabbing at his watery eyes with one of the four Hank T-shirts he had bought previously that day. "If you can't trust a cute stray dog in a Brewers jersey to behave himself when in the vicinity of man-sized meat snacks, what can you trust?"