The Rock should be in everything. That much has been proven by now.
If it’s on the screen and involves speaking, physical activity or being badass, it can only be improved by adding Dwayne Johnson into the mix. He is the Lawry’s of American content seasoning and he can make even the biggest stinker you hand him palatable to most of the viewing public.
This is a truly rare quality for anyone to have in the Year of Our Lord 2017, and it could launch the former WWE champ/current "Baywatch" star as far as the Oval Office in 2020. I, for one, would settle for The Rock just being the lead role in every sports biopic that comes out in the next five years — a thing I now genuinely believe he could do after sitting down and thinking about it.
In this spirit, here are 18 athletes Dwayne Johnson could play right now if producers came knocking looking for a leading man. I’ve also included improvised moments only the Rock could bring to his character while filming. Because Dwayne Johnson is the only person I’d be fine with making a biographical work his own.
When the biopic of the Houston Texans defensive end comes out four years from now, it will feature male lead Dwayne Johnson
1) tackling people into blood mist
2) saving cats from high places
3) training in Watt's spartan, six-bedroom log cabin.
Improvised Rock Moment: decapitating Russell Wilson (played by Shad Moss, a.k.a. Bow Wow) in Super Bowl 55.
Matthew EmmonsMatthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports
The sight of ginger facial hair on Dwayne Johnson alone would be worth the price of admission.
Improvised Rock Moment: Ric-Flair-chest-slapping a liner over the right field wall.
Somehow, I think Dwayne Johnson could find it in himself to channel the energy and mind of Vitali Klitschko, the beloved former Ukrainian heavyweight boxer who retired and entered politics in hopes of saving his country from gross, political gridlock and mayhem. The Rock will also play Vitali’s brother, Wladimir, because two checks are better than one.
Improvised Rock Moment: Vitali Dwayne Johnson telling Wladimir Dwayne Johnson to shut up and know his role.
Brand synergy is The Rock playing the titular character in “I Am Party: The Rob Gronkowski Story" and bringing his "Baywatch" costar Zac Efron as Julian Edelman.
Improvised Rock Moment: Asking Matt Ryan how many points the Falcons were up in Super Bowl LI, only to tell him it doesn’t matter how many points the Falcons were up in Super Bowl LI.
Greg M. CooperGreg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports
Really just an excuse to see The Rock in a giant fur coat in every TNT commercial for three straight months.
Improvised Rock Moment: [looks deep into Suzy Kolber’s eyes] “I want to take you to Know Your Role Boulevard."
It’d be tough, but I’m sure Dwayne Johnson would somehow find a way to get into the head space of an obsessive force of nature and Red Sox legend who dominated every endeavor he undertook while never giving a hot sweating damn.
Improvised Rock Moment: Intimidating pitchers with eyebrow raise.
Aaron DosterAaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports
Why hasn’t this been done yet?
Improvised Rock Moment: Winning Super Bowl.
Mark J. RebilasMark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
I assume this film is already in post.
Improvised Rock Moment: Drop-kicking ball through uprights instead of dunking.
Dale ZanineDale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports
It would take CGI to shrink him down from Adonis-plus to a mid-size Greek god, but I think Rock-naldo plays.
Improvised Rock Moment: Flash of likability.
There’s no other actor who can throw the ball 14 miles.
Improvised Rock Moment: Catching his own pass.
We’re going through the looking glass on this one and making The Rock play Brock Lesnar and then fight himself, The Rock. It makes sense if you don’t think about it.
Improvised Rock Moment: Speaking.
Improvised Rock Moment: Turning heel on his tag-team partner, Ricky Williams.
Definitely. One-hundred percent. The only issue is the Rock might not be weird enough.
Improvised Rock Moment: Four-minute monologue about how dinosaurs went extinct because they were jabronis.
Really I just want to see The Rock make an open-field tackle with luxurious, dandruff-free hair.
Improvised Rock Moment: Jumping the snap and sacking Jake Locker with a flying elbow.
Only Dwayne Johnson can summon the rage and trapezius muscles to properly capture Metta World Peace at his highest and lowest.
Improvised Rock Moment: “Call me Metta World ... Pain.”
Kirby LeeKirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
We don’t need another O.J. movie, but if it’s going to happen (and it will), we might as well make it someone O.J.’s size.
Improvised Rock Moment: Eyebrow raise after jury declares verdict.
Bonus: Sam Hinkie
"Rocking the Process" will go straight to DVD and still experience ridiculous commercial success because Philly fans.
Improvised Rock Moment: Taking his size-13 boot and flipping it for three future conditional draft picks.